Pretenders - Pretenders II
#362
By Stephen Romone Lewis
August 15 1981
The Pretenders
Pretenders II
Genre: 20% jangle, 10% new wave, 8% complaints, 35% rock, 13% ballad, 14% pop
Allen’s Rating: 4 out of 5
Stephen’s Rating: 5 out of 5
Highlights:
Side 1
Side 2
The question is: Why do some albums touch our souls, but others don’t?
Have you ever been in a friendly, non-threatening conversation when the other person casually, as if it isn’t unconstitutional, said that they don’t like an album that you consider a religious experience? If the album in question is by Floyd or The Beatles, legions of allies will defend your position. Strangers all over the globe will stop what they're doing and pay for plane fare to back you up. But if the cult surrounding the album is smaller, for example, if you’re the only member of the church that you attend just to preach to the choir, you have to fight alone or suffer the sacrilege in silence.
I come before you today, friends, to spread the gospel of Pretenders II. Yes, I said Pretenders II. No, I did not misspeak. Really! No, I did not mean The Pretender’s critically acclaimed, eponymous debut. Yes, I’m serious. No, I did not confuse Pretenders II with its hit-laden follow-up Learning to Crawl.
Again I ask the question: Why do some albums touch our souls, but others don’t?
I was a convert to Pretenders II somewhere between the first needle drop and Chrissie Hynde shouting “LET’S GO!” just before my tonearm lifted up at the end of side two. I mourn that Pretenders II, the album that’s rotated on and off my desert island discs list forever, an album I’ve returned to thousands of times, sold the least of their first 4 LPs. I agree with the bulk of humanity that The Pretender’s first record is one of the greatest debut albums in rock history. I acknowledge that the divine #2 lacks the grittiness of #1 and the poppiness of #3. So, why did only Pretenders II touch my soul?
I have many, many theories, but only two aren’t stupid.
#1 Some albums are truly divine. (I didn’t say it was a brilliant theory; I said it wasn’t stupid.)
I know the Listening Post is dedicated to rock, but one album that has never left my desert island discs list is John Coltrane’s A Love Supreme. In San Francisco, there is an actual tax-exempt church complete with a low-budget website and Facebook Live Streaming services (first Sunday of the month) that uses A Love Supreme as a hymnal. I would attend the Saint John Will-I-Am Coltrane African Orthodox Church if it wasn’t on the other side of the country and I didn’t like to sleep in on Sundays.
But what about rock albums? I can’t find any rock inspired religions, although I have no clue what started the Episcopalians; are they into The Pixies? That sounds right.
Even if it’s wrong, doesn’t every concert feel spiritual? Thousands of voices raised together, arms raised to heaven, a frenzy of swaying and clapping. Every soul connected! The stranger next to you told you he’s a fascist whose hobbies include drowning puppies and trolling hospice workers, but he can’t be a bad guy, he knows all the words to “Call Me Maybe.”
Haven’t you met rock prophets? That individual from the IT department who steers every conversation toward Springsteen or They Might Be Giants or King Crimson or (name of your musical obsession here). Aren’t you a rock prophet? If you are a parent and you have not used every family road trip to proselytize about (name of your musical obsession here) then someone ought to call child services.
So, maybe there aren’t any “official” rock churches but haven’t you heard/given sermons on The Clash or Synth Pop bands or Stratocaster vs Les Paul or Stevie Ray Vaughan or (name of your musical obsession here).
If there were churches dedicated to your favorite albums wouldn’t you brush your teeth before noon on Sunday for a change? I would! If there was a church for The Wall, The White Album, Alien Lanes, Surfer Rosa, Dim the Lights Chill the Ham, Close to the Edge, almost anything by They Might Be Giants or In the Court of the Crimson King, I would instantly find religion. And, if there was a church of Pretenders II, I would be genuflecting and speaking in tongues every Sunday.
Did you forget this is a review of Pretenders II? I did.
That brings me to my second theory on why some albums touch our souls, but others don’t.
#2 Sometimes the right person hears just the right album at just the right moment in their lives.
I was a freshman when The Pretenders put out their sophomore effort. This was their second release in less than two years. Pushed to quickly churn out anything that could ride the debut’s wave of success, Pretender II was written and recorded during heavy touring and promotion for the first album. Relentless work and coping with fame made chief pretender Chrissie Hynde confused and cranky, and that’s exactly how I felt my entire freshman year, even without record execs trying to get in my pants. She’d gone down to the crossroads and overlooked the fine print, and I was an adolescent with no responsibility and a stable home life, naturally, we both felt gobsmacked and cheated. We were emotional twinsies. That’s why I fell in love with Pretenders II.
But why should YOU love it? Did you love the debut? Well, this is the debut only better. The songwriting is more mature! The band is tighter! The music is more nuanced! It's the same great mix of new wave rockers and dreamy ballads BUT without any instrumentals! You loved their first Ray Davies cover tune (“Stop Your Sobbing”). Don’t miss the new and improved Ray Davies cover tune (“I Go to Sleep”). And EVERYBODY loved the debut’s sound! Jangle fury! Well Pretenders II is the last album recorded before cocaine divided the band between the living and rock cliches. The sweet/aggressive blend of James Honeyman-Scott’s angular chimes and Chrissie Hynde’s croon-snarls ended there. There will be no reunion tour.
Steve, are you saying Pretenders II is perfect? Yes, and if you don’t like it, well, well as Chrissie says, “I may be a skunk, but you're a piece of junk. And furthermore, I don't like your trousers. Your appalling taste in women...You're the pits of the world!”
With lyrics like that, HOW CAN YOU NOT LOVE IT!?
https://open.spotify.com/album/1YjEOX1QV6k1MSy2XD8Awy?si=4TeYAxqbTp2cRLBxLFHkwg
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