The 1986 Listening Post - Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet

Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet

#335/2015

August 18 1986

Bon Jovi

Slippery When Wet

Genre: Rock

4.75 out of 5 (I admit that I got lost during a couple tracks)

Highlights:

You Give Love a Bad Name

Livin’ On a Prayer

Social Disease

Wanted Dead or Alive

I’d Die for You

I’ve talked before about my theory that Bon Jovi is a great appropriator of contemporary popular motifs. He’s doing here in spades. But what he and Bruce Fairbairn and Bob Rock have done is synthesized the Def Leppard stadium rock sound and wrapped it around some delectably infectious Rawk songs. 

It’s impossible to hate (for me at least) the monster track "You Give Love a Bad Name" which ws was originally written for Bonnie Tyler under the title "If You Were a Woman (And I Was a Man)" with different lyrics. Remember that? Yep. Child new it was a hit and rewrote his own track to make it this Godzilla tune. 

I do not begrudge anyone trying to sell records and I’m not cynical enough to trounce those who do it in a way that makes me want to air drum in my car on the freeway. 

Did Jon take the Springsteen story song idea and craft it into a global phenomenon? Yes. Is it a party on a 45? Yes. If you can hit those notes, Karaoke night is yours. If you can’t it’s all laughs til the next person gets up to warble. 

I am an unapologetic lover of this made to be played in front of 30,000 people record. 

https://music.apple.com/us/album/slippery-when-wet/1422954626

The 1985 Listening Post - Bon Jovi - 7800 Fahrenheit

Bon Jovi - 7800 Fahrenheit

#87

March 25 1985

Bon Jovi

7800 Fahrenheit 

Genre: Rock

2.5 out of 5

Highlight: 

In and Out of Love

I don’t hate this as much as I did ten years ago. It’s still not good but it does prove the point about Jon Bon Jovi: he’s an appropriator of what’s hot at the time. 

Like the first album was his attempt at New Wave/Power Pop, this is all Def Leppard bites. 

As the project continues you’ll all see him do this. He has no sound of his own. He just wants success. Hard to fault him for that. His devotion to the holy money grab plus his general unctuousness is what helps make people hate him. 

But he does do that well. He’s like the pop rock David Bowie. Those of you who have been with me know that I think, for the bulk of his career Bowie just took the sounds that were burbling in the underground and made them accessible to a larger crowd, gave them credibility with audiences and critics and scored legendary record after legendary record, until he became so successful that he could no longer infiltrate the underground. Once that happened, he was left to just follow whatever trend was happening (“I’m Afraid of Americans”, anyone?)

Jon does the same thing, but instead of the underground, he goes straight for what’s already on the charts. 

All that said, it’s unmemorable and unsurprising. Keep the hit, dump the rest.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/7800%C2%BA-fahrenheit/927202862

The 1984 Listening Post - Bon Jovi - Bon Jovi

Bon Jovi - Bon Jovi

January 21 1984

Bon Jovi

Bon Jovi

3.75 out of 5

Highlights:

Runaway

Shot Through the Heart

Get Ready

Bon Jovi was the subject of one of the first Listening Post series. My opinion of them hasn’t changed: Jon would latch on to whatever was popular at the time and try to emulate it as best he could and make money selling as many records and tickets as he could. Sometimes that would work (for me) and other times it was a disaster. Incidentally, this is the same template followed by none other than David Bowie. Instead of hearing what was happening in the mainstream and aping it, Bowie would hear what was bubbling in the underground and appropriate it. Is that very different? Well, it makes Bowie seem like more of an innovator than a practitioner and it makes Jon seem much more callous and craven but they both intersect in the big arena pop 80s so I would say they are two sides of a very particular coin. Don’t @ me. 

This is the hair metal pop glam power pop entry. 

The lead single still crackles with Springfieldian urgency. No wonder, Tim Pierce played guitar on it. Roy Bittan played keys. It was made for 1984 radio. And it worked. A few other songs hit the exact power rock for me, “Roulette”, “Shot Through the Heart”, ‘Come Back” & “Get Ready”.

Are they great? They might not even be that good, but they get me right in my Working Class Dog heart. The clunkers pull the alums rating along with the pedestrian, formula of many of the songs. 

 It's a little bit Leppard, a little bit Bay City Rollers/Hudson Brothers, a touch of Journey and a whole lot of Rick Springfield. 

I’m okay with that.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/bon-jovi/927204531

Bon Jovi - What About Now

Bon Jovi - What About Now - 2013

I know, I know...I never reviewed The Circle. I just couldn't bring myself to find it. To buy it. To borrow it...anything. And, yes, I've had a "Bon Jovi - The Circle" playlist on Spotify for over a year. Sue me.

I will, I promise. (I'm not promising you, whoever you are. It's a promise to myself.)

So, why give this a spin? I have no answer, truly. I'm kind of in the mood for big, dumb stadium rock. And BJ can usually satisfy that need for MOR toe tapping.

From the start, What About Now fulfills my craving. "Because We Can" is as a Jovi-esque opener as I've heard, although as I write this, the title track has come on, the third on the record, and I'm dumbstruck at what I'm hearing: Bon Jovi seems to have listened to Bruce Springsteen's Wrecking Ball a lot this year and decided to just ape it. ("Pictures of You" is a leading offender here) Why not? They're both from Jersey and BJ has never had an original thought. It's not that "What About Now" is bad, per se. It's just something that sounds like it was written by committee. Or a machine. The Bon Jovi-Stadium ready-Rock Song Conveyor belt.
Tracks like "What's Left of Me" has that midtempo Springsteen contrapuntal music to theme ratio. But it works.

 Once you settle into that aesthetic it's easy(er) to accept the record. It's Bon Jovi with a helping of Bon Jovi in a Bon Jovi simmer sauce.
You know what you're getting here. We've been getting it. for 30 years. That said, it's listenable. If you want this stuff. Fortunately, it hit the spot.

Grade: B
ASide: Because We Can, What's Left of Me
BlindSide: Pictures of You, That's What the Water Made Me
DownSide: Room at the End of the World

Listening Post: Bon Jovi - Lost Highway

And so we come to the end of another Listening Post. With Lost Highway we have traversed more than a quarter century of pure MOR.
Thanks for sticking it out with me.


Bon Jovi - Lost Highway - 2007
(Buy it)

To paraphrase Captain Kirk in Wrath of Khan: "I'll say this for them, they're persistent" and consistent.
The formula is in place and no one is straying. The only experimentation is the calculated ripping off of what's hot. In this case, the hottest thing going in America is Carrie Underwood so, Bon Jovi is now a "Nashville influenced" Rock band. This means adding a do-bro, some drawl, more tambourine (just a touch) and some arpeggiating.
Other than that, what's to say? These guys just keep pluggng along, the lone survivors of the 80s glam metal, carrying the torch of arena rock and doing it well. They ride the middle of that road so hard there is a trench where the white line used to be.
The duet with Leanne Rhimes, "We Ain't Strangers Anymore" might have been okay, but I can't help but feel pandered to. Like they just know they will sell x number of records with a country ballad duet and that pisses me off.
It's hard to condemn something that is basically harmless. It isn't great but it's fine if you are on a long drive somewhere, or want something on in the background while you do your taxes.

Grade B

A Side: Lost Highway
Blindside: We Got it Going On
Downside: One Step Closer. I am officially over JBJ's lovestruck whiny balladeering.

listening Post: Bon Jovi - Have a Nice Day

Great things come from New Jersey. Frank Sinatra. The Boss. Me. And, of course, Jon Bongiovi.
I know nothing about Bon Jovi save the big super hits that catapulted him and his group to megastardom. Is there anything more to the once high-haired glam pop rock than just faux country anthem rock?
Let's find out.



Bon Jovi - Have a Nice Day - 2005 (Buy it)

Hooking up with a new producer seems to reinvigorate Bongiovi and Sambora, et al. This time it's John Shanks, Melissa Etheridge's guitarist and the pairing seems to suit them. The edge, the span of sound, the breadth of the recording, all of it carries that anthemic weight that we've come to expect from BJ. Everyone seems to be having a good time, bringing the best out of each other, especially on tracks like Who Says You can't Go Home.
The quasi country sound suits these Jersey cowboys like a nice hat.
Can't go Home steals from "Cupid, draw back your bow and Last Man Standing is copping from Boys of Summer but it doesn't matter because it just sounds so crackly and good and excellent. Go figure.
This record really doesn't let up and I find that it's a much more enjoyable experience than Crush. It's better than Bounce and right up there with the best of the band's oeuvre. Surprising, huh?
WAIT!!!! I got it! AFI. Thats who a lot of this sounds like. Modern "hard" rock. Power Pop of the moment. Especially on tracks like Novocaine and Complicated. (Strangely enough, both are song titles of (better) songs by power poppers like Green Day and Avril Lavigne.....hmmm...toss in the song Dirty Little Secret and it really makes me wonder what JB is going for here. Is he copying? Apeing? Trying to show them up? I don't know. But it's strange to take the titles of popular rock songs, write your own songs in the Power pop/rock vein and pass yourself off as original, eh)
Interestingly, where Springsteen has become older and wiser and wizened over the years, JBJ has energized himself and his music. When Bruce was in his mid-40s he was being all introspective and shit and Jon is realizing that his wheelhouse is Big. Rock.
Well done. Love this record.
My version contains the import singles, one of which, Unbreakable, is great and one other, These Open Arms, sucks. If you buy the album on itunes, it does not come with them. So, they shall not reflect this review.

Grade A (A solid album. One of their best.)

A Sides: Have a Nice Day & Who Says You Can't Go Home.
BlindSide: Last Man Standing (Riffy, driving rock. Tasty stuff even though it steals it's riff from Henley's Boys of Summer) Last Cigarette (Punchy, gritty rock. Love it)
Downside: Crazy enough, there really isn't one.

Listening Post: Bon Jovi - This Left Feels Right

Great things come from New Jersey. Frank Sinatra. The Boss. Me. And, of course, Jon Bongiovi.
I know nothing about Bon Jovi save the big super hits that catapulted him and his group to megastardom. Is there anything more to the once high-haired glam pop rock than just faux country anthem rock?
Let's find out.



Bon Jovi - This Left Feels Right - 2003 (Buy it)

I've got to do something different with this CD. I think I have to blog each song as I go. Otherwise I might just give up.

Rather than repackage a greatest of music that his fans would already have JBJ decided to reimagine those songs so his fans would have something new. Or, redoing the songs means that people who own the original will be encouraged to send Jon and his guys more money.
Mercenary or art? We'll decide. (The live tracks will not be reviewed.)

Wanted: Dead or Alive: Um....I...think....okay....this is fucking weird shit, man. Acoustic Soundgardeny with giant choral backings. It sounds nothing like the original, which is good, but it's not good, so that's bad.
B

Livin' on a Prayer: Olivia D'Abo? OLIVIA D'ABO??? Backing vocals? Wtf? Why? Is she Gina? Yeah, it's a weird duet and the haunting arrangement counters the hopeful aspect of the song rendering it implausibly hard to listen to.
F

Bad Medicine: Not all songs are meant to be reinterpreted. Great songs can fit into ANY mode, milieu, style, framework and succeed. Bon Jovi doesn't write GREAT SONGS. They write stadium-ready epics with big choruses. Like Bad Medicine. This down played, wannabe-sexy and soulful version is just Bad.
F

It's My Life: Ah, the melancholy piano, why not? The original was so bright and punchy, maybe this will shed some light on the true meaning of the song....I don't think Jon is up to the task of reinventing and improvising phrasings but he definitely sells this. This is the first time I can actually sort of appreciate the reworking. Paul Anka's is much, much better but this is okay, too.
A

Lay Your Hands On Me: I liked the original, it was neat in a little pseudo-gospel way. This is pointless. The world doesn't need it. Waste of plastic.
D

You Give Love a Bad Name: Break out that do-bro, baby. Wait. What's with the Stray Cat Strut beat? This...this...this is actually.....no....YES! It's horrible! Holy Christ, someone should sit these guys in a room, play this song over and over until they tell us where Bin laden is.
F

Bed of Roses: Just a piano and Jon's voice opens this, the sweet drums accent the sentiment and the violins sugar it all up. THis is nice. This is Jon Bon Jovi FINALLY admitting that they are basically Billy Joel with hair.
A

Everyday: Sounds more like an *NSync slo-jam than I could have imagined. This is R&B at its most mediocre. That said, I still like the song.
C-

Born to be My Baby: You know this is one of the songs I liked off of New Jersey. I really don't think this adds anything. What it does show me is that band commits more to the metronome than to the music. If you are reinterpreting a song in this balladic, hymn-like way, you should let it breath. It's too bad they won't let it.
C-

Keep the Faith: This countryfied version of the 1992 hit has a nice southern rock feel to it. And it breathes. As opposed to the song that came before which, had it been produced like this, would probably have worked.
A-

I'll be there for you: Yuch. I hated the original I hate the saccharine crappy redux. The creepy stalker bridge is enough to make you want to poke your eyeballs out with a dildo. Make it stop.
F

Always Well this isn't fair, now, is it? I didn't include the greatest hits package in the retro so I never heard the original which was a bonus song. Maybe that's a good thing. Let's listen.
So, it's JBJ pouring his heart out to some women, declaring never ending love, kind of creepy in a covet they neighbor sort of way. It's harmless and pointless. Why am I doing this again??
Hang on a sec: THIS was JBJ's biggest selling single? What the how? Who is buying this stuff!!!!?
C

Grade D+
A Side: It's My Life
BlindSide: Bed of Roses
DownSide: Livin on a Prayer & You Give Love A Bad Name

Listening Post: Bon Jovi - Bounce

Great things come from New Jersey. Frank Sinatra. The Boss. Me. And, of course, Jon Bongiovi.
I know nothing about Bon Jovi save the big super hits that catapulted him and his group to megastardom. Is there anything more to the once high-haired glam pop rock than just faux country anthem rock?
Let's find out.



Bon Jovi - Bounce - 2002 (buy it)


Okay. So Bruce had The Rising.
Neil Young had his album about 9/11 (I'm not a Young fan so I have no idea what it's called)
And Bon Jovi, being from New Jersey, they have to weigh in as well.
Okie dokie. Let's listen to Bounce.

Brother in the Rubble? Sister in the Crush? Ouch. Oh, hey, the chorus is coming up, I bet it's a downe---One for Love? Hmm...
You know what? This opener isn't half bad. It's gritty, painful and, for the first time I have no idea who they sound like. It's almost that, after rendering himself anonymous on so many records that sound like someone else, JBJ and the gang have actually managed to sound, dare I say, important? At the very least they sound like Bon Jovi.

Let's keep listening.

Whoever songwriter Andreas Carlsson is he's having a very positive effect on the Bongiovi crew. This album is shaping up to be more about moving on and picking up the pieces than it is about feeling bad about ourselves. Of course, both of those sentiments are uniquely American ones, but the moving on is what I would expect from these guys. Life is just another record, tour, movie, tv show, American Idol appearance. You gotta keep pushing forward.
It should be noted that just about 5 songs in and it still isn't horrible. I've just read the Ehrlewine review on allmusic and I totally disagree.
When he says that Sambora's guitars "never lets the music breathe" he's wrong. This album is about not being able to, in a way. That's the point.
"this is a record where Bon Jovi seems to have consciously decided to avoid everything that gives their music character, melody, and muscle" Um...Steve, have you been listening to the same band I have? Character? Muscle? Sorry, pal. This album actually has some power and crunch and assertiveness that the bright sheen of pop on Crush was sorely lacking.
After a crappo ballad we're hit with a dustbowl grunge song called "Hook me up" which has Jon channeling his inner Josh Todd (buckcherry). It works. It doesn't suck, at least.
Does Bounce work as a post 9-11 catharsis. I don't know. Maybe. It is definitely the band's most accessible and appreciable record in a long while.

Quick Note: I just read that the final track "Open all Night" was written by Jon as response to his character being cut from Ally McBeal. It's not a vengeance song but, rather, his sentiments on how he wished his character had exited the show. I think that's kind of a neat idea. It's not a great song, but it's not that bad.
You could do worse than to listen to Bounce.

Grade B
A Side: Everyday
Blindside: Undivided & Bounce
Downside: All About Loving You & Right Side of Wrong. (Oh, that's just awful. Horrid. Turgid. Painful. Embarrassing. Make-it-stop!)

Listening Post: Bon Jovi - Crush

Great things come from New Jersey. Frank Sinatra. The Boss. Me. And, of course, Jon Bongiovi.
I know nothing about Bon Jovi save the big super hits that catapulted him and his group to megastardom. Is there anything more to the once high-haired glam pop rock than just faux country anthem rock?
Let's find out.



Bon Jovi - Crush - 2000 (buy it)

Oh, hey, Fountains of Wayne! Jon Bon Jovi is stealing your sound! Yeah. I know. At the time of Crush no on had really ever heard of you but on "Say it isn't so" it's pretty clear that they had heard Utopia Parkway and decided that power pop rock was still alive and that you guys were doing it best. Why not rip it?
What, you say? "It's My Life" sounds nothing like FoW? This is true. It kind of sounds like *NSync, dontcha think?
I don't understand Crush. I don't like it. But I don't hate it. (Sense a pattern??) Bon Jovi is harmless. When they stop recording they will have registered nary a blip on the historical soundscape of Rock and Roll. I'm sure of that. They have been coasting on one or two singles, good looks, a name and a memory of gigantic singles. I imagine that their fans just buy their stuff because they feel like they have to. Like BJ speaks a language they understand. In other words: rock that doesn't offend. Rock for the Jack FM listener. Boring, yes, but at least the listener gets to think they are listening to rock music. They aren't. They are listening to pap.
Oh, shit. I think I'm reaching nadir. I don't know how to find other words to describe this "music".
It's pointless.
Have you heard the hit single? You're good. Did you ever see the video? Where "Tommy" is on the phone with "Gina" and racing to meet her at a bon jovi concert? You didn't. Oh. It's shit. Like the rest of this record.
Screw it. This CD is hurting my ears.
***********
Okie doke.
I'm done with this. It took forever, by the way. It's freaking LONG. 60+ minutes AND there's a couple bonus tracks I got (which are better than most of the stuff on the rest of the cd.
That said. It isn't a hateful piece of loathsome trash. It's almost, but not quite.
Truth is, at this point Im just not sure why these guys make music, what inspires them or if anything does besides the paycheck and the sweet Heather Locklear/Denise Richards 'tang.

Personally I find it laughable that the band tried to "reinvent" themselves with an "edgier" look but, what the fuck, they're posers. And, oh, yes, how can i forget? Why is It's My Life the only likable song on this piece of drek? Because it was co-written by Max Martin, he of Britney Spears fame. The man could wipe his ass and find a pop hook in it.

Grade B-
A Side: It's My Life
Blindside: One Wild Night
Downside: Thank you for loving me. (Shut up, Jon)

Listening Post: Bon Jovi - (these days)

Great things come from New Jersey. Frank Sinatra. The Boss. Me. And, of course, Jon Bongiovi.
I know nothing about Bon Jovi save the big super hits that catapulted him and his group to megastardom. Is there anything more to the once high-haired glam pop rock than just faux country anthem rock?
Let's find out.



Bon Jovi - (these days) - 1995 (buy it)

Let's get a couple things out of the way:
This album sold over 10 million copies???? Where the hell was I? Does anyone know about this?
Also:
This might be one of my favorite Bon Jovi albums.
That's not really saying much, all things considered, I realize. However, when all is said and done, this is a really good record. It's interesting that Sambora and Bongiovi are credited as 2 of the main producers and it's the most earnest album in the catalogue. It's got edge, darkness and a little bit of heart.
It's overlong, of course, because why make a song 4 minutes when you can make it six? Why NOT fill up 63 minutes of plastic? I mean, it's there, right?
So, there was a break between the last album and (these days) (Parentheses, theirs. These parentheses are mine) and I can just imagine Jon and Richie sitting in the studio and listening to Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Alice in Chains and loving, just LOVING the sound. It's not that I think the guys are rip off artists. I really don't. I think they just listen to stuff and let what they like inform their music. (Okay, I do think there's a little eye on what's popular....) And the cover of the album (Yeah, Jim DeRogatis, I review album covers, fuck you with your last bastion of the lazy reviewer). Its got that purplish saturation, the band in the forefront but the background is as important and, oh yes, the name of the album is scribbled in faux hand writing. It's sooooooo 90s.
The songs...yeah, they're kind of generic but there is an epic sadness to this cd. It's got power. Some of it is elegiac, but not most of it, which is a nice change.
Here's the thing, though. When it's over, you have completely forgotten that you listened to it. I admit, a lot of Bon Jovi music is that way but this one especially. I couldn't tell you how any song goes and I just finished the album.

Hmmmm.

Grade B-

A Side: These Days (JBJ is doing his Springsteen again but, heck, I would like to learn to play this.)
Blindside: Hey God,
Downside: Lie to Me (A blechy ballady single that bores the crap out of the listener made worse by it's issue as a single.

Listening Post: Bon Jovi - Jon Bongiovi's Blaze of Glory

A side trip on the Bon Jovi retrospective train....



Jon Bon Jovi - Blaze of Glory single - 1990

I know so little about Jon Bon Jovi and his "music". It's all so generic. So derivative. I almost regret deciding to delve into the catalogue.
Fortunately I got to include this little gem from 18 years ago. It's not that I actually forgot about it, per se, it just never seems to get any airplay and the movie was so freaking bad that it came from.
Blaze of Glory takes the quasi-cowboy rock from Wanted: Dead or Alive from 4 years prior and builds on it. It's epic. Big. Sweeping. It does everything that is required of it.
It makes me wonder what Bon Jovi has in store for me as the next album doesn't come for 2 years after this single and that was 2 years after New Jersey.
In the meantime. Revisit this. It's a treat.

Grade A

Listening Post: Bon Jovi - New Jersey

Great things come from New Jersey. Frank Sinatra. The Boss. Me. And, of course, Jon Bongiovi.
I know nothing about Bon Jovi save the big super hits that catapulted him and his group to megastardom. Is there anything more to the once high-haired glam pop rock than just faux country anthem rock?
Let's find out.



Bon Jovi - New Jersey - 1988 (Buy it)

This was interesting to me. All the reviews I've read about this album have given it really high marks. Higher than Slippery. I don't agree. While Slippery When Wet is the embodiment of 80s glam faux metal, New Jersey is a different animal. Perfectly competent. Tuneful. Nothing inherently wrong with it.
Except....
Queen followed A Night at the Opera with A Day at the Races.
U2 followed Joshua Tree with Achtung Baby.
These albums built on the previous success without really tampering with the formula. It's a smart idea and tons of bands have done it.
Bon Jovi is one of those bands. The difference is that they don't build on anything. Maybe they aren't capable. Maybe it's a case of "give the people what they have decided they want. It worked. They sold a ton of this.
But.
There is nothing new explored here. No new ideas. Nothing fresh. Just "music inspired by Slippery When Wet", it could have been called.
The singles are boring. Everything is so freaking long....I get it, big chorus, modulation, move on, fer god's sake. Obviously, this bloat is a product of the CD age. We can put an HOUR on one disc?!? Let's do it!!!
And we all suffer.
Do you own Slippery When Wet? Then you have absolutely no reason to ever listen to this record.

Grade C-
A Side: Bad Medicine
Blindside: Homebound Train (It's a keeper. Put it on your ipod)
Downside: I'll Be There For You (Is it Whitesnake? Where's Tawny Kitaen??)

Listening Post: Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet

Great things come from New Jersey. Frank Sinatra. The Boss. Me. And, of course, Jon Bongiovi.
I know nothing about Bon Jovi save the big super hits that catapulted him and his group to megastardom. Is there anything more to the once high-haired glam pop rock than just faux country anthem rock?
Let's find out.



Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet - 1986
(buy it)

Bruce Fairbairn. Need I say more? He worked with all of them: Loverboy. Van Halen. Poison. Jackyl. He is one of the architects of the 80s glam-metal sound. And he crafted this piece of time-capsuleness.
Slippery is more a product of great production and hiring the right guys than it is great songwriting or timeless poetry. Listen to Livin' on a Prayer. Listen to that modulation. It's a minor epic. Because it really isn't an epic, it's just a hopeful little song masquerading as something bigger.
John Mellencamp was writing about these people. Bruce was. Tons of artists were writing little stories about desperate people on the edge of society, who were just "livin' on a prayer". Why did this one make it? Why was this so huge? can it be the talk box? No, it's that Mutt Lange was right. He crafted some pop confection goodness with Def Leppard and, in the mid 80s, you couldn't go wrong copying that sound. Toss in a little Desmond Child to rewrite your mundane high school lyrics, put some money in hair gel and videos and, blam. Hit after hit.
I wish this was really just about those three monsters. But, Slippery When Wet actually is a cheeky, fun cruise. The horns on Social Disease (not to mention the disappointed chica at the top) give that tune an extra push.
Here's what I wanna know: Why do rockers from New Jersey fancy themselves cowboys? I lived in New Jersey. There are some lovely spots. Rural, even. I grew up in the great swamp. There were deer in our backyard. But, it's not cowboy country.
And yet, Wanted, Dead or Alive is a blast. This could be because it is the most fun song to play on drums on Rock Band (expert level, natch!) or it could be that its just a great tune.
I'm leaning toward the Rock Band theory.
Without a doubt I would have been embarrassed to own this when it came out. I could never wear my cuban heels, my beetle boots, my pirate blouses my leather, in public again. But 25 years later, no archive, no comprehensive collection of great albums would be complete without this, maybe the most representative album of the 80s glam rock era.

Grade A
A Side: Tommy and Gina, baby!
Blindside: Raise Your Hands & Wild in the Streets & Social Disease &......
Downside: None. This is almost perfect.

Listening Post: Bon Jovi - 7800 Farenheit

Great things come from New Jersey. Frank Sinatra. The Boss. Me. And, of course, Jon Bongiovi.
I know nothing about Bon Jovi save the big super hits that catapulted him and his group to megastardom. Is there anything more to the once high-haired glam pop rock than just faux country anthem rock?
Let's find out.



Bon Jovi - 7800 Farenheit - 1985 (Buy it)

Hey! Is that Motley Crue? Is it Def Leppard??? No, it's generic metal power pop gods Bon Jovi!
The opening track sounds like it the band sat down, listened to the radio, listened to High and Dry and Shout at the Devil and decided, hey we can do that! The result? Watered down rock that shoots a perfectly aimed bullet between the legs of teenage girls who, 20 years later, would probably have eschewed this for *NSync.
There is absolutely no change to the formula. Big, echoing snare drums, doubled (tripled) lead vocals, power chords, soaring leads, it's all here. And completely forgettable in a St. Elmo's Fire soundtrack kind of way.
I have a theory that Bon Jovi is to glam metal as Billy Joel is to classic rock. Harmless, hummable and sellable. I think I am doing Mr. Joel a disservice. Based on 7800 Farenheit, there's no there there.
It's frustrating and infuriating to listen to JB struggle to emulate Bruce on songs like "Silent Night". And that's probably why I was predisposed to hating Bongie from the get go. I'm a Jersey boy. The ONLY roots rocker from Jersey is Bruce. You can try, sure, to dethrone him, but don't steal his sound to do it. John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band have more credibility than this record.
There is aboslutely no reason, even if you are the biggest, most desperate, cry-when-you-look-at-his-poster-on-your wall, fan, that you need to ever listen to this album.

Grade D
A Side: In and Out of Love
Blindside: There are no surprises on this record.
Downside: Silent Night

Listening Post: Bon Jovi - Bon Jovi

Great things come from New Jersey. Frank Sinatra. The Boss. Me. And, of course, Jon Bongiovi.
I know nothing about Bon Jovi save the big super hits that catapulted him and his group to megastardom. Is there anything more to the once high-haired glam pop rock than just faux country anthem rock?
Let's find out.



Bon Jovi - Bon Jovi - 1984 (Buy it)

It's a little bit Bruce, a little bit Bay City Rollers/Hudson Brothers and a whole lot of Rick Springfield.
Pushed to make an album after the success of the contest winning single, Runaway, this is the first album of what would be Bon Jovi.
Taken as a single, Runaway is a really great Rick Springfield song. And I don't mean Working Class Dog Rick. I'm talking Wait for Night Rick. It's glammy, sparkly, edgy with the blades all dulled out to be inoffensive. All the way through are the shadows of Rick.
Of course, I'm not really surprised. One of the session men on part of this record is Tim Pierce of the big soaring power pop guitars on Rick's Love Somebody.
Where does Bon Jovi succeed Rick, then? I think it's the hair. Rick had the look but he was about to be passed by for glam metal. Rick had skinny ties and suits. Jon has Final Net.
Jon is posing as a Jersey boy hair metal god while really doing nothing more interesting or groundbreaking than power pop. The drums are a little more Arena ready but that's about it. Tico "double kick" Torres knows what the hell he's doing and even professor Roy Bittan shows up for a little side work for the kid from his homestate.
But it's mainly:
Hair, spandex and...hair.
That's not to say there isn't some good stuff here, it's just that guys like Rick were doing it better with better songs before this little kid whose cousin owned The Power Station.
I'm usually pretty lenient with first offerings and I won't break ranks here.
It isn't great. It's not bad. It doesn't really portend a career spanning a quarter century, though.
Confession: I tried to listen to this a few days ago and fell asleep around the 7th or 8th song in. When I woke up I thought, 'Yikes, this is a LONG track'. It was the 4th song on the next album. Needless to say, not all that much variety going on here. The reason I bring this up is that I am listening to it again and found myself forgetting that it was on. During the same freaking song, Burning for Love. It's gonna be a long week.


Grade B-
A Side: Runaway
Blindside: Get Ready & Come Back
Downside: Breakout & Burning for Love