The 1981 Listening Post - Frank Zappa - You Are What You Is

 Frank Zappa - You Are What You Is

#458

September 23 1981

By Tami Fitzkoff

Frank Zappa

You Is What You Is

Genre: Musical Chinese Water Torture

Allen’s Rating: 4 out of 5

Tami’ Rating: 1 out of 5

Highlights: 

Doreen  

The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing (Note: I only chose this because I like the lyrics)

Remember the kid who killed himself and they blamed it on Ozzy Osborne’s music? This album makes me wanna pour gasoline on myself and light a match. OMG. Insanity. It’s the longest and worst Dr. Demento show ever. Take Weird Al, The Village People, Santana, Steve Vai *, high-pitched noises, 80’s keyboards, Muppet-like voices, crazy guitar solos, repetitive lyrics and put it in a blender and you get “You Is What You Is.” Pure EAR PAIN! Musical nonsense.   

Look, I can appreciate that the musicians on this record are talented. They move from jazz, reggae, heavy metal and classical all within one song. The band is tight. The guitar shredding is out of control. But the lyrics and the horrible voices and all the noise? Oy to the vey. This is not my bag. I’d rather put a bag over my head than listen to it again.  

* FYI I wrote this review and then looked up the album on Wikipedia and Steve Vai actually plays on this album. So I just high-fived myself!

https://open.spotify.com/album/2pY7S6zvkALbtQU7qSwc2d?si=cNLd_dizT5m8nSCuJr0Xqg

The 1985 Listening Post - Frank Zappa - Frank Zappa Meets the Mothers of Prevention

Frank Zappa - Frank Zappa Meets the Mothers of Prevention

#464/1097

November 21 1985

Frank Zappa

Frank Zappa Meets the Mothers of Prevention

Genre: Experimental Jazz Rock

2 out of 5

Highlights:

We’re Turning Again

The title. A sublime bit of wordplay considering the history here. 

As much as I am for freedom of expression, I will admit something. I really don’t care that there were advisory stickers put on records. Why not? As a society we had already accepted the rating guidelines for movies, right? Spielberg pushed the envelope and a new one, PG-13 was invented in the 80s. 

As a parent I use Common Sense Media as a guidepost for tons of stuff. Mostly I just rely on my self, my judgment and my kids. 

When I was 9 my father told me to pick up a couple records from the record store. One of them was a Richard Pryor comedy record and when I told the guy behind the counter that my dad wanted me to buy it he said, “He’s crazy”. I thought he meant Pryor. He didn’t. He meant my father. There was no good reason that a 9 year old should be listening to some of Pryor. Or Redd Foxx. Or songs about murder and rape. I mean, sure, when you are a little older and you have developed a bit, great, whatever. But I don’t want my eight year old to be listening to that stuff. He’s in the other room right now, watching Pixar videos on YouTube kids. He isn’t ready for Pryor. Or to delve into themes that are outside his realm of comprehension.

And a sticker on a record with “intended for mature audiences” isn’t a bad thing. You know?

What makes it worse in retrospect is just how terrible Zappa’s music is that he’s fighting to keep free.

If you like Zappa’s Jazz instrumental stylings, those are present here as well. Note: I do not care one way or another about them. 

The centerpiece is supposed to be “Porn Wars”, which includes Senate testimony and other conversations surrounding the Meese report and the PMRC of the time. It’s not a well done montage, not by a long shot and it brings to mind the extraordinary work of The Kleptones in the 00s and makes me think how spectacularly they would’ve attacked this and how their use of music in audio montage would probably be a stronger indictment of what Zappa was trying to address. 

https://music.apple.com/us/album/frank-zappa-meets-the-mothers-of-prevention/1443904993

The 1984 Listening Post - Frank Zappa - Thing-Fish

Frank Zappa - Thing-Fish

#323
December 21 1984
Frank Zappa
Thing-Fish
0 out of 5


Just in time for Christmas! It's the third Zappa album of the year and this time he's not settling for a double album, NO! It's a 90 minute, triple album which was supposed to be a stage show but wasn't and then he died and it was.

Side One:
Okay, so this is gonna be a minstrel show, right? It makes sense, Zappa's been aping an afrocentric vocal sound (to the point of parody and offense sometimes) and, according to him, it's also about...AIDS. Which was manufactured as a weapon. And was tested on black inmates.
Did he grow his own shit or did he buy it somewhere?
Okay, "Harry & Rhonda" is actually kind of funny....and the best work Dale and Terry Bozzio have offered in quite a while.

Side One: Excellently repulsive and weird. But also fascinatingly offensive and listenable.

Side Two:
Thing-Fish is narrating something using an old Zappa tune but employing the dialect Ike Willis developed and expanded for this.
There's something about Zombies and an Evil Prince which is sort of like Opera or what Zappa thinks is a Broadway aria/soliloquy but also thinks Broadway sucks. I think.
I'm a third of the way in and I'm still waiting for a plot of some kind.
There's also a lot about cologne that smells like chitlins.
What is this about??
Side Two: plodding.

Side Three:
I have no fucking idea what's going on. What is going on? There's no nuance here and it's incredibly offensive.

Side Four:
Is there some forced mating happening with some doppleganger of an audience member?
Jeepers. Is he having a relationship with an inflatable doll? Sounds like it.
And now women are bad...and so are...men? And they are gay for...work?
WTH?

Side Five:
Someone is having sex with a briefcase and a pen, shouting about her pussy and squirting her tits somewhere.
The PMRC exists for this record.

Side Six:
I don’t know what’s going on. Endings are hard, apparently.

This was a terrible thing and I deserve compensation for getting through it.


https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/thing-fish/551811417

The 1984 Listening Post - Frank Zappa - Them or Us

Frank Zappa - Them or Us

#272
October 18 1984
Frank Zappa
Them or Us
3.25 out of 5

Highlights:
In France
Stevie's Spanking
Be in My Video


"Hey!" I thought, as the record started, "I really like this. It's accessible and fun."
And then I read up and learned....
It's a cover.
So, Frank starts this album's first side with a cover of a Channels song, "The Closer You Are" and then he moves on to his expected weirdoness.
Maybe that's not totally fair. Cuz, "Sharleena" is a Zappa take on 50s doo-wop and it concludes a pretty strong 1st side.

Side Two starts off with a psychedelic odyssey but the second half sees the Steve Martin sound back on a crapfest called "Truck Driver Divorce" which is a shame cuz I was really into the instrumental "Sinister Footwear" and the vocal part ruins the rest of the track for me, which might've scored higher without it since it's also about 7 minutes of instrumentation.

Side Three
I so want to love "Stevie's Spanking" but whenever it Zappa's out the vocals I struggle. But it's fine for what it is. And the rest of the side is a hodgepodge of what you expect from Zappa.

Side Four
Like a bookend, we find ourselves back in traditional songland with "Be in My Video" and the space rock of "Them or Us". And ends, of course, with one of the better tracks, another cover, this time of "Whipping Post".

I have to just give it up to Frank. I'm never gonna be an acolyte. I like his novelty songs but, beyond that, I just can't.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/them-or-us/1041165330

The 1983 Listening Post - Frank Zappa - The Man from Utopia

Frank Zappa - The Man from Utopia

March 28 1983
Frank Zappa
The Man From Utopia
1.6 out of 5

Oh, hey, look! More of the same by Frank.
I’ve often thought that Zappa reminded me of Howard Stern. Very good at what he does. Not wholly original and, yet, singular. Part of what made them both successes wasn’t any high minded art or craft but rather their entrenchment in a 15 year old’s sensibilities. Obsessed with sex, mockery & dick/poop jokes.
It’s fun when it’s shocking, which it is to an adolescent. It’s ridiculous when listened to by anyone alive for more that 2 decades.
This is one of those moments for Frank. Barely enough for a Dr. Demento episode.
Is Zappa imitating Steve Martin? Was Martin imitating Zappa? If the latter, he was smart enough to abandon it.
One King Tut was enough. I will never forgive him for “The Radio is Broken”. That’s time I can’t get back.