The 1980 Listening Post - Sarcofagus - Cycle of Life

 Reviewed by Jim Coursey

Released: 1980 Sarcofagus Cycle Of Life Genre: Prog Metal Rating: 1 out of 5 “The band's front-man Kimmo Kuusniemi stated in the documentary film Promised Land Of Heavy Metal that Finland in the early 1980s was not prepared for heavy metal.” [1] If this is heavy metal, the Listening Post in the 2020s is not prepared for it either. And if there ever comes a post-apocalyptic day where all music is lost but for a pristine copy of this album, those left to hear it will likely decide that music wasn’t really worth all the fuss anyways and get back to foraging for scrap metal. Vocals: Is this even in English? Maybe? Whatever it is makes Damo Suzuki sound like an English diction coach. Worse, Kimmo Kuusniemi can’t keep a tune so starting with the first track they sent him to the bottom of a deep chasm in hopes that would improve matters. (“At the very least we don’t have to look at him,” confirmed the guitarist.) They do give him bathroom breaks, such as on “Back to Black,” though the section at 2:25 might be more appropriate for a potty training book than at a dinner party, unless you are in a Bunuel film. [2] Instruments: they avoided the chasm, but it sounds like the drum kit is spread arbitrarily across the room, while the guitarist is sometimes jammed up in your face (especially in the aptly titled “Here I Am”). Mix engineers use the term “glue” to denote a compressor or other processor which makes all a song’s disparate elements have gelled. Well, Sarcofagus missed that day in class. Then again, the performances vary from barely passable attempts at prog rock to Legion of Rock Stars level of cohesion though, [3] so maybe the problem was more existential. I dare not add these as highlights, but they jammed a couple tracks to the end that are almost passable: straight-ahead rocker “Feed Me,” D&D psych folk “Hermit.” Maybe they should have skipped the prog and stuck with something they could play? But fear not, final track “You’re Talking Too Much” resumes the shitshow that defines the rest of the album. ********** 1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarcofagus 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Mptgi23YE&t=68s 3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CWkXczs1Tak&t=84s

The 1980 Listening Post - Sarcofagus - Envoy of Death

 Reviewed by Paul J Zickler

Released: December 1980 Sarcofagus Envoy Of Death Genre: Scandinavian Metal Rating: 2.9 out of 5 Highlights: Envoy Of Death Stolen Salvation “Finland, Finland, Finland / The country where I want to be / With your mountains so lofty / Your treetops so tall / Finland, Finland, Finland / Finland has it all.” (Michael Palin) Sarcofagus was officially the first heavy metal band from Finland, and the first to record an album sung entirely in Finnish. According to their website, they were also “the first Scandinavian Band (first in the world?) to release a FULL ALBUM LENGTH story/broadcast quality video ever! This was before MTV, rental or sales videos and before people had VHS players.” This confused me because the album came out in 1982, and I distinctly remember renting videos, using VHS players, and watching MTV in 1982. But who am I to argue with the mighty Sarcofagus?! I started this review two weeks ago and then completely ignored it until today. I’ve only listened to the first song, which is the title song, which happens to be a mighty mighty slab of Satanic Scandinavian metal. Voice of doom intro, apocalyptic lyrics, super weedly solos, all the good stuff. So now it’s on the rest of the record, already in progress (now that my internet is back up - for the moment at least). The Deadly Game uses some extreme stereo panning to separate the creepy whispering from the signature guitar riff. It’s kind of a combo of chugga chugga metal and noodling, with the lead singer’s voice sort of half-buried in the middle of the mix. He’s not the strongest singer, but he’s working hard at putting across that doom metal vibe. The second solo is slightly better than the first (more notes covering more of the neck), but on the whole this is a step down from the title track. Wheels of Destruction starts out quiet and menacing, then shifts to mid-tempo rock with one slightly proggy solo and a couple of more metallic solos. The lyrics, as far as I can discern them, are autobiographical. The singer had a family, a good job, a happy life. Something bad happened to destroy it all, as represented by thrashing guitar noise that crashes down around the 4 minute mark, presumably representing the wheels of destruction. This one is OK. “Insane Rebels they do like me! / Insane Rebels they just killed me!” Not really sure what’s going on lyrically here. Maybe it was good that they released an album in Finnish. The song itself is kind of plodding, but there’s a nifty solo break where the second guitar & bass modulate up and down. I liked it better than Wheels of Destruction but not enough to make it a highlight. Die To Win has one of those power-chord-progression-as-melody intros, a pretty average half verse, but then a cool sparkly interlude leading to an unsatisfying chorus. The interlude reminds me of Rush or some other interesting band. The power-chord-as-melody parts remind me of learning to play guitar in the early 80s with guys who treated the instrument like some kind of animal that needed to be subdued using brute force. It’s quite a contrast, and not one that makes me enjoy the song as a whole, unfortunately. Stolen Salvation proceeds at a stately tempo before repeating a descending figure, then opening up into a big blues-metal solo break. It’s a pretty terrific solo break if I’m being honest, incorporating some wordless vocalizations and lots of weedly notes. I like the guitar sound throughout this song, and even though most of the lyrics are tough to pick up, the singer throws a lot of weight behind whatever he’s saying. It’s a winner. Black Contract starts with a spoken word rant “You have two weeks…” and a bunch of other stuff I couldn’t understand, but it sounds dramatic. Toss in some cheesy synth sweeps over an unusually active bass line, and this is clearly their Epic Prog Rock tune. Predictably, it’s the most silly and least likable song on the album. The singer never gets around to singing, he just rants with a squenched up effect on his voice. Something about “I awoke in a hospital,” some evil laughs, “Oh no! Oh please!” and a speeded up fade out. You think it’s over, but of course there’s 6 more minutes to go. Someone is talking, the music is pleasant, then we’re off to an eerie place with even more squenched up ranting and space sound effects. At this point my wife says, “I don’t know how you listen to this,” and puts on headphones. I envy her. But I persevere. I try to imagine a video featuring Muppets set to this song, which helps a little. Sweetums is marching over a desolate plain as we cut to Dr. Benson Honeydew, who has invented a deadly poison, which he administers to a helpless Beaker, who dies horribly. Dr. Teeth plays a gigantic pipe organ while Statler and Waldorf are tortured to death by some Muppet rats. A robot Muppet enters, wheels around wildly, and speaks (Loose interpretation of heavily accented and squenched robot voice): “How dare you evil bandits stand against me / Stay in your underwear.” This is followed by a dialogue between the robot and a demented version of Gonzo, who says something like “I will eat their skin!” Eventually a judge (played by Fozzie Bear wearing a Darth Vader helmet) taps his gavel, delivers an inscrutable verdict of some kind, and the song ends. I have listened to a nine and half minute trip through Muppet hell and lived to tell about it. In summary, there are two highlights, three OK songs, and two songs I didn’t like. The awfulness of Black Contract is not offset enough by the coolness of Envoy Of Death, so this doesn’t quite reach a 3 for me. Your mileage will probably vary.