The 1981 Listening Post - Gillan - Future Shock

 Gillan - Future Shock

#162

By Luca Barnacles

March 1981

Gillan 

Future Shock 

Genre: Deep Purple Is On Hiatus 

Allen’s Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Luca’s Rating: 2.23

If your cousin Carl recorded this album, you’d be all like “Hey! Check out this album my cousin Carl made with his band! It’s kinda like Deep Purple, only without the songwriting. And for some reason occasionally very odd keyboards. He’s a Social Studies teacher now. “

Unfortunately, this album was made not by your cousin Carl, but by a sometime (well, 3 times actually) lead vocalist for Deep Purple. And his band, which features occasionally very odd keyboards.

Being recently reminded of Billy Squier’s very good ‘81 effort “Don’t Say No” I was finally able to frame this record for what it is, and what it isn’t. And what it isn’t is very good. 

At a time when a decidedly contemporary and forward looking Squier was delivering the RAWK with more than a nod back to the Heavy Cats of the 70s, Gillan is still merely mired in what Deep Purple was doing five years earlier - but without the songwriting chops on board. The only recognition we get that it’s a new era are those occasionally very odd keyboards (not to be confused with the Very Deep Purple Keyboards that suffuse the whole record). 

Lest you think Not Cousin Carl’s LP isn’t worth checking out, there is one interesting track: Side One closes with the 1960 Gary US Bonds hit “New Orleans”, sporting an almost Gary Glitteresque treatment that works quite well. 

To sum up, carrying its well worn baggage, Future Shock is neither futuristic nor shocking. It’s no Don’t Say No. It’s Just Say Meh.

https://open.spotify.com/album/38rgxB4FW5eBvG1opzWNp3?si=KBruhHxJTnCCLZQgNjv5fw

The 1980 Listening Post - Witchfynde - Stagefright

 Witchfynde - Stagefright

#425

by Luca Barnacles

October 1980

Witchfynde

Stagefright

Genre: NWOBHM, allegedly

Allen’s Rating: 2.5 out of 5

Rob’s rating: 2.0625 out of 5

Highlights: None. The uniformity of the mediocrity is flawless.

The opening title track answers the rightfully unasked question “What would The Decemberists’ Hazards of Love album (which I love) sound like as a This Is Spinal Tap (which I also love) sequel?” This is the crux of Witchfynde: a band hellbent on delivering previously neglected bad ideas.

To answer the question Witchfynde poses in the very next track, “are they doing the right thing?” no, they very decidedly are not, unless you believe the right thing is the product of a bizarre quadratic equation where Uriah Heep times some Lesser Thin Lizzy = whatever the hell this stuff is.

Wake Up Screaming is the least convincing Satanist stuff I’ve ever heard. I’d find Michael Buble’s confession of an undying love for Mr. Crowley more believable.

Moon Magic explores the previously lost territory discarded by a 2nd tier Journey tribute band stretching their legs in Van Halen’s backyard, while Trick Or Treat stands both as a reference standard for Pointless Noodle Rock and an incredible disappointment to all of us who love a good Halloween song.

The closing power ballad Madeline truly is, to borrow a phrase, “treading water in a sea of retarded sexuality and bad poetry”. Especially the bad, bad, oh so very bad poetry part.

In conclusion, Witchfynde’s Stage Fright album reminds me of a band called Pinch, who used to play The Cricket Lounge in Ashland, Massachusetts around the time this album was released. The most memorable thing about Pinch for me was the time my underage girlfriend barfed sloe gin fizzes in my lap during their set. I don’t even remember what Pinch sounded like, and that tells you everything you need to know about Witchfynde.

I saw Pinch’s lead singer about 9 months ago at the Ashland VFW. He wasn’t performing or anything, he was at the after party for my friend Bill’s Mom’s funeral.

The Cricket Lounge is now a commuter rail parking lot. But Witchfynde lives, waiting to be forgotten by yet another generation. Sadly, you missed them at “the Brofest warm up show in February 2020 at Trillions in Newcastle”.

https://open.spotify.com/album/30xfhKBaB10mGvccRWiaWZ?si=Esms-ekUS26B7hRXryb2Kw

The 1980 Listening Post - Pat Benatar - Crimes of Passion

 Pat Benatar - Crimes of Passion

#328

by Luca Barnacles

August 5 1980

Pat Benatar 

Crimes Of Passion 

Genre: Radio Friendly Unit Shifter, before we had the term 

Allen’s Rating: 4.5 out of 5 

Luca’s rating: 2.5 out of 5 

Highlights:

Treat Me Right

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Hell is For Children

Wuthering Heights

Obligatory 80s Covers: 

The 60s "You Better Run" (The Rascals) 

The 80s “Wuthering Heights”

His white Rickenbacker bass slung low, Bob looked like he should be in The Pretenders. 

Jeff, a long dark wavy shag framing Steve Perry’s nose, had a Mesa Boogie Mark II-A that sounded massive. 

I had a huge Tama kit in “white satin”with single headed toms, a massive 8 inch deep Ludwig snare, and Laura. 

Laura sang. 

We were dating, so I suppose the band was inevitable. 

Laura’s father had a nice clean warehouse space in an office park where we would meet at night to rehearse. The repertoire wasn’t anything I was actually into, but what the hell, the players were great. Our set list was exactly like our rehearsal space, suburban and nondescript. We never played out before we broke up. The two songs I really remember rehearsing were Toto’s “Hold The Line”, which I still hate, and Pat Benatar’s “Treat Me Right”, the Crimes Of Passion album opener. 

This album must be fantastic. It’s quadruple platinum, it spent over a month at the top of the charts blocked from the #1 slot only by John & Yoko’s postmortem Double Fantasy sales surge, and yet aside from knowing a few of songs that thoroughly saturated the airwaves I really couldn’t recall *feeling* anything about this record. 

It’s not bad. Better than I remembered, in fact. The production doesn’t sound terribly dated and horribly 80’s. The songwriting (mostly by others) is often better than good, the instrumental performances are solid if unsurprising and never inspiring, and the woman can certainly sing. But – a dear friend once summed up the banality (in his opinion) of U2 by observing that nobody ever cranked up a U2 album & danced their ass off. Did anybody actually dance to this shit? Were there unnoticed legions of young Americans inspired by this album to the radio up all the way and pre-create a Wayne’s World Worthy scene? Crimes of Passion – much like Benatar’s image at the time - wants to be edgy, tough but pretty, a Leather & Pinky Tuscadero hybrid. Ultimately, it’s a sheep in wolf’s clothing. It’s a Delorean – on the surface, sleek, innovative and sexy – underneath utterly conventional and a disappointment in the horsepower department. 

Kate Bush’s “Wuthering Heights” was a daring and inspired choice (and I really wonder whose choice that was & what directions Pat might have taken were it a voice more often listened to), but aside from that & the three hits there’s not much worth revisiting here. It’s not a bad record, it’s just not worth getting dressed up for the reunion. A radio friendly unit shifter before we had the term. After 38 years Pat Benatar is still married to Neil Giraldo, and there’s a lot to say for an enduring relationship like that. Her last charting album, Innamorata, peaked at #171 in 1989. 

Bob, who still has that white Ric, became an EMT. 

Jeff suffers neurological damage from an accidental overexposure to methyl ethyl ketone. 

I never played in a cover band again. 

Laura married the unbelievably nice owner of a chain of wicked cool record stores. 

I’m sure he Treats Her Right.

https://open.spotify.com/album/7HlWbMlmhASeeZ61ZiHpWJ?si=biXZUst7TgeORe_xREl5Nw