The 1981 Listening Post - Krokus - Hardware

 Krokus - Hardware

#154

by Rob Slater

March 1981

Krokus

Hardware

Genre: Wanna Be AC/DC, Judas Priest, and the Scorpions. 

Allen’s rating: 2 out of 5

Grade/Rating: B-. 3.25 out of 5. (Initial score was a 2.75 C-) 

Highlights: (Best of the B-sides)

Celebration

Burning Bones

Rock City

Winning Man

So, AC/DC was stupid not to grab the Krocus lead singer when Bon Scott died. If you have not heard, "Tonight, Long Stick Goes Boom," go to the corner and listen to it right now. Better than Brian Johnson, eh? Though I suppose it's hard to argue with Back in Black. But it was like AC/DC shot their.... uh... stuff with that one. After that it was one decent song per album, maybe…. 

Celebration is a good opener. Rockin’ but not too rockin’. Followed by Easy Rocker, alo decent, basically about that guy who wishes he was in the band or at least a Roadie.

The next two, Mr. 69? Smelly Nelly? It's kind of obvious that English is not the first language of these guys. but one has to appreciate the balls to the wall sort of choices they make. And from another album, the aforementioned "Tonight, Long Stick Goes Boom." They've got the idea, even if they tend to be offensive and are not subtle and did not have the innuendo and word play of Bon Scott era AC/DC. 

She’s Got Everything is utterly acceptable 80s metal and as utterly forgettable. 

Burning Bones of War. Lyrics are actually pretty cool on this one. Not like many of the others, though reading the lyrics enhanced my appreciation, though it also included some revulsion.

Rock City is pretty decent, at least as good as KISS’s Rock City, though I know I'm speaking sacrilege for some people. This is a good example of the voice that should have replaced Bon Scott. And I'm pretty sure they used an English rhyming dictionary to come up with as many words that rhyme with rockin’ as possible. 

The next song, Winning Man, foreshadows their later big pop hits, like Screaming in The Night, my favorite Krokus song. I actually like it quite a bit. 

Interestingly enough the band Krokus also had a guitarist named Tom Kiefer, the same name as the lead singer guitarist and primary songwriter of the band Cinderella. Thankfully, he only wrote one song, Smelly Nelly.

Interesting factoid: Chris von Rohr, bassist/keyboardist (original drummer, then lead vocalist) and Tommy Kiefer, both former members of Kaktus. Also, since I need to figure out a way to mention Spinal Tap… These guys had Eleven (11) drummers! And 10 guitarists, 9 bass players, 8 lead singers, 7 keyboardists, 6 albums that charted in the U.S., 5 members of the “Classic” Krokus, 4 hits that were covers, 3 major guest singers, 2 live albums and 1 partridge in a pear tree. 

Give them points for writing all the songs on this album themselves, whereas, later they relied on covers for the hits. They did have some pretty impressive guest singers later, Bruce Dickinson, Jimi Jameson, and Rob Halford. 

So, definitely one of those, “Buy the Greatest Hits collection,” bands. I listened to it a lot while I was doing construction and fighting the rain and wind to keep said construction dry and together!

https://open.spotify.com/album/5CK8mbL1Yr6iWRfrsMTHeW?si=b_aOolJaRUCWNFYba3l8YQ

The 1980 Listening Post - Krokus - Rendez-Vous

 Krokus - Rendez-vous

#274

by Chris Jackson

June 30 1980 

Krokus 

Metal Rendez-vous 

Genre: Hard Rock? Butt Rock?

Allen’s Rating: 3 out of 5

Chris’s Rating: 3.5 out of 5 

Highlights: 

Heatstrokes 

Tokyo Nights

Lady Double Dealer 

Krokus. Just let that band name soak in for a minute. When I hear it, I immediately think bad 80’s metal. Admittedly, that assessment was never based on ever actually HEARING the band, but I was aware of their existence and just thought they were another in a long line of hair metal acts from my youth. Happy to say, I was pleasantly surprised to be proven wrong by most of this album. True, this is pretty early on in the development of “metal”, but this album is pretty straight-ahead rock more than anything else. Clearly, they’re fans of AC/DC and Slade (as I am myself), so there’s some pretty listenable stuff to be found on here. Not sure I’ll be going back to it again anytime soon, but it was worth a listen. The opener, “Heatstrokes”, begins with a guitar line that could easily turn into a metal wank-fest, but then the actual song kicks in with a very catchy riff that takes us into a rather good song. Unremarkable? Kinda, but pretty cool. More of that follows with a couple exceptions. One track that stands out is the requisite metal ballad, “Steamer”. Interestingly, it has a long introduction that sounds like it could have been an outtake from Pink Floyd’s The Wall (released about 7 months prior to Metal Rendez-vous, so likely another influence), but once the vocals kick in, we’re back to pretty standard rock/metal territory. Finally, it would be remiss of me to not discuss the track, “Tokyo Nights”. A lot of cringe-worthy boxes are ticked right from the start: 1.     “Asian” gong? Check! 2. “Asian” riff? Check! 3. Offensive lyrics? Check! Allow me to expound on item 3: “Last night when I was laying in my bed, Had a dream of a flag in white & red, Swiss cross turned into the Japan dot, A yellow girl appeared and made me hot She took me to her place - a Geisha house, There was tea rice-booze & ceremony, I got undressed, she had me washed, I felt her body and I was lost” Yeesh. You know what though? This album is 40 years old and the world was considerably less sensitive about things like this then (we could argue long into the night as to whether or not things are better now, but, generally, we don’t see much of this kind of lyrical nonsense anymore). If you can get past that, I have to admit, it’s a standout track on the album. Also, it does something that I’m guessing has to be a first AND a last in metal history: about 3 minutes in, the fairly typical rock/metal music suddenly shifts to a pseudo-Police/reggae rhythm. It’s quite odd and somewhat jarring, but, hey, it’s different.

https://open.spotify.com/album/45tNUIvPmtfo4w44e1Tpgw?si=95CO1Pg9Q7CXtcLSx1fZew

The 1986 Listening Post - Krokus - Change of Address

Krokus - Change of Address

#241/1366

June 16 1986

Krokus

Change of Address

Genre: Let’s be The Scorpions!

2.5 out of 5

Why does Krokus sound like Loverboy? Like JUST like Loverboy. That opener, “Now (All Through the Night)” is “Turn Me Loose”, no? Also, Scorpions. 

Krokus is that band that I really want to be good and hard and metallic and edgy and, man, they are just so by-the-numbers pedestrian, no?

Lemme check…is there a shitty and unnecessary cover? Oh, yes. (“School’s Out”) Do they bring absolutely nothing to it? Yep. 

Just when you think, “Hey…this isn’t a bad example of the form.” (“Burning Up the Night”) you listen to lyrics and think, “fuck, I’d rather listen to the Bay City Rollers than this garbage. No slight to BCR. They are the jam. 

Kind of liked “World on Fire”, though. Derivative as it is. 

The thing is, outside of Hardware, which I think is overrated, Krokus has, to Listening Post date, not released any album worth a damn. But, they will keep recording until 2013. Which says more about human beings’ ability and desire to consume garbage. 

I blame these people for Climate Change. And anti-vaxxing. 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZSAKBO5Ceo&list=PLBJ7ztNazTVALBRwNqNSQISwcoE07pmdB

The 1984 Listening Post - Krokus - The Blitz

Krokus - The Blitz

#216

August 26 1984

Krokus

The Blitz

3.25 out of 5

Highlights:

Boys Nite Out

Speaking of Glam Metal. Here’s another band that wants to be Slade, covers The Sweet and fails at both. Admittedly, Headhunter wasn’t terrible and neither is this, wholly. And to prove it, they cover “Ballroom Blitz” in a version that makes you want to immediately wash it out with the original upon listening. 

Instead of going full glam, though, they hew closer to AC/DC and they are better off for it on “Boys Nite Out” and “Out to Lunch” where Marc Storace sounds more like Bon Scott than Scott did. 

https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/the-blitz/298295960

The 1983 Listening Post - Krokus - Head Hunter

Krokus - Head Hunter

April 25, 1983
Krokus
Head Hunter
3.78 out of 5

Highlights
Head Hunter
Eat the Rich
Ready to Burn
Night Wolf

Somewhere between Scorpions & Bon Scott lies Krokus.
This is soooo much better than Hardwired.
Do you like Swiss metal? Sure ya do. This is pure 80s metal deliciousness. The BTO cover “Stayed Awake All Night” is perfectly placed. Not too well known but familiar enough that it acts as a respite (but it’s still metaltastic) before we get to the end. And the album does peter out but it’s pretty good along the way.