The 1980 Listening Post - Uriah Heep - Conquest

 Uriah Heep - Conquest

#279

by Chris Roberts

May 22 1980

Uriah Heep 

Conquest 

Genre: It’s Uriah Heep, ‘y’all. 

Allen’s Rating: 2 out of 5

Chris’s Rating: 1 out of 5.

 Conquest? Hardly. CONQUEST is something the Apes will do at the Century City Mall in 1991. This is a big heeping mess. Imagine if a karaoke-night Jeff Buckley impersonator was hired to cover The Wall backed by a Queensryche cover band. But the resulting album is produced by your cousin and paid for by your uncle. Not your rich uncle, or your good uncle. The other one. The song “Imagination” starts with some jazzy bass, and I almost thought I’d found a missing link to Opeth, but it falls into parody pretty quickly. “Feelings” and “Fools” both have fine, hooky elements of Def Leppard sized radio hits in their DNA, but obviously that cousin of yours fiddled with it too much. More icy synths! More! No way he’ll let the Heep win.   This album is really, really bad, and the singing makes it very difficult to listen to. After five of the eight songs, I gave up trying to write this review and went to the internet to learn about Uriah Heep in 1980... new singer, fired after this album? CHECK. Failed attempt at a more commercial sound? CHECK. Secret fan favorite Heep album? NOPE, even the fans hate Conquest, with good reason. You’d never suspect that Uriah Heep was once considered in the same league as Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath. Here, they’re not even in the same league as Spinal Tap. I listened to “July Morning” instead, which is the band’s 1971 sprawling rock epic, and a much better song to start with.

https://open.spotify.com/album/6QZFxzNQgQDjwMQWExBoS2?si=KicKMxZBTDSLaxBS89ZwxQ

The 1985 Listening Post - Uriah Heep - Equator

Uriah Heep - Equator

#76

March 12 1985

Uriah Heep

Equator

Genre: Pop Metal

2.25 out of 5

Abominog. 

That’s the only album of Uriah Heep’s that anyone ever needs. 

Before that, it was garbage and after that…stuff like Equator. The album opens with a pale and embarrassing attempt to be Def Leppard. There’s one Def Leppard. We need absolutely zero more. Especially from a band that has been around since……19fucking69. 

And then they decide, hey, let’s be Foreigner. Because we need more of that MOR Pop Metal. 

Ugh. This is as pedestrian as it can be. 

This is their 16th album. And, by my count, the 5th record I’ve heard. Only one is of any value. The one I mentioned at the top. 

I’ve already spent more energy writing about this than is deserved. But I listened to the whole goddamned thing. 

Cuz that’s what I do. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l91-o9-k7Ac

The 1983 Listening Post - Uriah Heep - Head First

Uriah Heep - Head First

May 1983
Uriah Heep
Head First

After a bunch of crappy metal records, Heep scored with 82’s Abominog.
This is no Abominog.
It’s more of a return to previous form. That form is meh. And when it doesn’t sound like bad Uriah Heep, it sounds like 3rd rate Foreigner. This band needs to go away.
To be fair, the second side is better than the first. Not by much. But, still.