#20
January 1985
David Hasselhoff
Night Rocker
1.25 out of 5
Genre: Pop Rock
David Hasselhoff is not a “Rocker”. He doesn’t Rock during the day. He doesn’t Rock at Night.
If you put Rick Springfield and David Cassidy and Englebert Humperdink and Robert Goulet and the E Street Band in a Vitamix, puree at the highest speed, pour it through a mesh sieve, throw the pulp away, and put the strained liquid in a highball glass, then add a LOT of ice to further dilute it, that might come close to The Hoff.
Putting him on the cover with an Aria Pro II ZZ (which I bet he can’t play) on the hood of a Pontiac Firebird is such a bullshit marketing ploy cuz there is nothing rocking on this album. He has no soul, as his choice of the Ray Dahrouge garbage-lyric "Any Kind of Love at All" will show. Go ahead. Listen to it. It’s horrible.
For the curious, there is a pre-Alanis producing Glen Ballard penned song, “No Way to Be In Love”, which could be a middling Power Popper in anyone else’s hands but is forced and terrible here and “All the Right Moves” which sounds like a shitty take on a Martin Briley song.
Because…
That’s what it is. You can almost hear Briley singing this and making it not suck. The Briley demo is in the comments. And it shows just how awful The Hoff is.
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