Magazine - Magic, Murder and the Weather
#340
By Anthony DeSantis
June 15 1981
Magazine
Magic, Murder, and The Weather
Genre - Just not as good as the other guys doing the same thing better
Allen’s Rating: 2 out of 5
Anthony’s Rating: Lame out of 5
If you spend any time in art museums you may come to the realization that every artist in history painted still lifes (lives?). One after another, room to room, you will see grapes, pipes, dead ducks, meats, apples, peaches, fish, etc. And if the museum is organized chronologically you will begin to feel sleepy until: “holy shit, that’s a much better still life!!” Everyone tries their best but then someone comes along who just does it a whole lot better. You can imagine decades if not centuries of everyone looking around and going, “yeah, I’m as good as all those other guys” until - BAM Rembrandt or BAM Van Gogh, etc. And the whole genre takes a leap forward because someone came along and just did it better.
Remember those guys who looked around and said, “yeah, I’m as good as all those other guys?” That’s Magazine. They fucked around and felt pretty good about themselves until the got slaughtered by a wave of bands that were just better: Echo and the Bunnymen, The Cure, Roxy Music, Siouxsie, etc. They all just did it better and Magazine faded into obscurity where they belong. They don’t suck. I just didn’t care.
1. About the Weather: “The weather’s variable. So are you. (Changes. Changes). But I can’t do nothing about the weather. “ It’s the English Lou Reed doing Motown.
2. So Lucky: Whee, follow that bass! It’s telling you that we are so lucky to live in a world that is so advanced. And check out that Peter Gunn-y riff in there too. All spies have benefited from this era’s highly advanced awesomeness. Brits are so funny.
3. The Honeymoon Killers: Now it’s the drums’ turn to drive and we add a breathy girl harmonist as we visit the psycho circus music with a touch of piano from Phantom. “You licked it slowly and I got that certain feeling of freedom.” If he can’t have a real blowjob he’d might as well sing about a teeny deep throating his icy treat. Don’t worry. The cops are coming.
4. Vigilance: After referencing Mantovani in the previous song, they brought him on to tickle the ivories. Though it’s possible that Howard Devoto has forgotten his own lyrics like we can forget this song quickly in good conscience. I think he’s going for ironic but he can’t remember because he isn’t very vigilant. Vigilance = memory. I guess.
5. Come Alive: “Pepsi cola Pepsi cola brings your ancestors back from the grave….” Huh? This is what happens when the guy who was an anthropology major buys a trench coat and takes high school band practice too seriously. Maybe he’d just seen a Planet of the Apes marathon. Who cares?
6. The Great Man’s Secret: I can see them in the studio standing around a mic, recording the percussion track. Everybody looking around the studio for some random wood block, milk bottle, or cow bell to make a strange-is racket. “We’re cool and weird. We sing about obtuse nonsense in falsetto!! YEAH!” Dumb lyric - “Our terror seems to be vanity. Progress is hard with madness around your feet.”
7. This Poison: Oh my god, I got into a groove for a second. But the syncopated reggae guitar couldn’t keep it going. I can’t be bothered to figure out these lyrics. I think you can probably guess. There goes that bass again. My old bass player in my early 20s self-conscious band, “Naked gods” was described as being “hoodly hoodly.” He described himself, however, as “that Christ on bass.” There’s no accounting for taste. It’s like when you go house shopping and see what horrors other people visited on their living spaces. “How could they DO that?!!”
8. Naked Eye: Oh my god they included an instrumental inspired by surf rock if it were assaulted by the computer from War Games. “Would you like to play a game?” Oh wait, there are vocals. “She’s wearing the shoes today. She’s kicking her dog in the snow. I think this is incel manifesto rock. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these guys stalked a chic or two.
9. Suburban Rhonda: Seriously. This guy is a misogynist. “I want to be the one to put you out of your misery.” Maybe they used a recorder or a tin whistle on this. I imagine women all over Manchester fearing the sound of the tin whistle in the shadows as they kicked off their heels in order to run through the filthy puddles to get home with their lives.
10. (Thank god it’s almost over.). The Garden: I can’t. It’s the same shit.
And so if I add the number score from each of the tracks I get…..Oh fuck off. Obscurity suits them well.
https://open.spotify.com/album/6qewLtk5aBjHFa1oHD3Ce8?si=tRbT7tuBQ5GKDvo96i9PRw
