Kix - Kix
#418
By Chris Roberts
Kix
Kix
Genre: Breakfast Rocks
Allen’s Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Chris’s rating: 4.25 of 5
Highlights:
Heartache
The Itch
Contrary Man
Give Kix’s debut a taste spoon. Yes, aside from Guns N’ Roses, late 80s hair metal sucked. Yes, Kix is one of the worst band names ever. These things are problems, but they are minor problems. This album is so much rowdy, glam rockin’ fun you’ll forget you live in an alternate universe where Kix are for kids, silly rabbit!
The album blasts off with air raid sirens and “Atomic Bombs,” which is your classic nooky-in-the-shelter ditty, triangulated to annihilate the fans at the live show. Nuke them from space, Kix, it’s the only way to be sure! It’s followed by “Love At First Sight,” which feels like it fell off side one of GNR Lies and needs antibiotics. As a 1-2 punch, these songs are a gas, but you can see how just a little Aquanet can do a lot of damage.
But! A power pop nugget called “Heartache” is number 3. It’s a shameless Knack-off. A dance party with a mosh pit inside. The Archies, “Footloose” and the Eagles of Death Metal’s “Complexity” rolled into one, which might make it the greatest song of all time. Or at least the greatest song I heard in the car on the way to Oakland yesterday.
Next up, “Poison,” isn’t lethal by any means, more of what you heard on 1-2. However, the fifth track, “The Itch” is absolutely infectious. Summoned out of The Cult’s Sonic Temple and released by the unwashed handclaps of AC-DC! By the time singer Steve Whiteman cries out “I got ants in my pants! Let’s dance!” I knew I needed a leather studded Hartz 2-in-1. How “The Itch” didn’t become a monster hit like “The Stroke,” I don’t know!
Next, the fight-the-old-folks anthem “Kix Are For Kids” explains how bad the band name is, right there in the title. WHY DIDN’T THEY JUST CALL THEMSELVES TRIX, AN INFINITELY BETTER CEREAL. Still, can you question the logic of band insisting in naming themselves after cereal in the first place? I can’t help but wonder what U2’s career would have been like if they’d called themselves “The Lucky Charms.” Perhaps they’d have gone straight to “Lemon” and “Hold Me, Kill Me, Kiss Me, Thrill Me” in 1980 and skipped all that moping around in the desert. But I’m pretty certain the cereal-based name worked against Kix in the long run. Kix the Name feels like they were trying to use up leftover letters, or were drunk, or probably both. Honestly, until I got “The Itch,” I would’ve been far more interested in a Frankenberry or Grape Nuts band.
On “Contrary Man” and “The Kid” Kix throw some more Cheap Trick, Sweet and Slade into the mix until the album fades out… phew, done in under 30 minutes! Wait, there’s one more? It’s “Yeah Yeah Yeah.” It’s fine fine fine… until suddenly we’re in the middle of a live album? Steve Whiteman starts talking to the audience. He’s telling a story, but it’s not only gross, but he does part of it in an Elmer Fudd voice (he gets his cartoon rabbits confused just like his cereal) and I’m suddenly aware… this band will one day tour with Poison. Ew. Ew. Get it off my plate!
Overall, it’s a good time, party record. If, like me, you were diagnosed with Metal Health or Pyromania, you’ll absolutely dig it, but “Heartache,” “The Itch” and “Contrary Man” are for everyone.
https://open.spotify.com/album/55v6WixbFjT9hSqjLTYS70?si=1gVFgJt5Q2GZ8YLz4L48ig
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