Weezer – Red Album – 2008 (iTunes – Amazon)
Red was my line in the sand with Weezer. Taking 3 years off from Make Believe, this is the one that made me almost write the band off. The guys from Sound Opinions LOVED this record. And I have no idea what they were thinking.
At first it's deceptive. “Troublemaker” sounds like the Weezer I've come to love. The great hooks, the terrificly explosive choruses. It's good. But it's hard for me to concentrate on the song because I can't get past this horrible cover. Look at that poorly photoshopped crap. Why is Rivers dressed like a refugee from Village People? What is this?
I might be the only person that hates hates hates, "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived (Variations on a Shaker Theme) but I think it's just about as bad as anything I've ever heard committed to....okay, recorded. Green Day can do the epic suites. My Chemical Romance figured it out, too. But, Weezer! You are not up to this task. Shoving ten styles into one song is not songwriting. It's almost as though they listened to the second side of Abbey Road and decided to do the same thing but all within 6 minutes. Using a Shaker melody as a template. It's awful. The fact that Rivers calls this the greatest Weezer song ever shows just why this band has never really grown and should just sit nicely in the pantheon of really good power pop groups.
The hit single, "Pork & Beans" is catchy enough. (I can't help but think the original lyric was "eat my candy with a fork and.....something" but they just decided they needed a rhyme for "Scene" and "Spoon" didn't work.
Nothing, however, prepared for the horror show that is Heart Songs. After hearing some of the reviews of this song I figured it had to be one of the greatest songs ever. Rivers name checks all the songs that have special meaning to him. And the moment that he heard Nirvana for the first time propelled him to play his own songs. It's a nice enough trip down memory lane but it's so sugary and sweet that it hurts. And, to add insult to bad songsmithing, there's almost no melody. I could take this song if there was something to hold on to. But there isn't. It's as amateur as the local crap I once heard on Red Snerts "The Story of Gulcher Records." It's terrible. And should never be played again.
This is also the album that sees Cuomo giving berth to songs by the other members of the band for the first time ever. Once we get through "Dreamin'", a predictable if not serviceable Cuomo tune, it's time for the rest of the guys to shine.
"Thought I Knew" by Brian Bell is piss poor sing-songy piece of forgettableness.
"Cold Dark World" is written by Scott Shriner with an assist from Rivers. And, it's about as good a track as one could expect from the bass player. Wait, that's not fair to John Deacon. It's boring, awful and pedestrian.
"Automatic" is from Patrick Wilson, the drummer. It's bad.
We get one more for the road on Red, if you've made it past the horror show that was those three songs, the coda to the record is "The Angel and the One". Its a song as tired as it seems these guys are of making music.
Unfathomingly, Red Album has gotten some pretty terrific reviews. I have to wonder what album those guys were listening to. Because this is one of the least likable albums I've ever heard.
Grade D
A Side: Troublemaker, (I kind of like Everybody Get Dangerous)
BlindSide:
DownSide: Heart Songs, The Greatest Man That Ever Lived, The three songs by the other guys.
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