Kissening Post: Kiss - Peter Criss

Peter Criss - 1978

I've been dreading this moment. I've heard nothing but horror stories about this record.

1. I'm Gonna Love You - A swingingly inoffensive honky tonk completely with jangly piano and 70s era variety show backup singers.
2. You Matter to Me Rupert Holmes. Billy Joel. AOR soft rock. That's what we're talking about here. Perfectly fitting with the times. In a era of Dan Hill and pap like "I Like Dreamin'" I prefer this.
3. Tossin' and Turnin' Cover of the Bobby Lewis hit. Criss turns it into something that sounds like it was recorded for the Brady Bunch Variety Hour. The whitest soul you've ever heard.
4. Don't You Let Me Down So far, everything on this record feels like a toss back to an earlier, softer era. This doo wop style mid tempo ballad shows off Criss's voice in a way that suggests, nay, reminds, you that he was the best singer in Kiss. He might be the only actual singer in Kiss, really.

Most of this stuff, I've learned, was written pre-Kiss, when Criss was in a band called Lips. When you toss "Beth" in to this mix you get a real sense that Criss was, musically, unsuited to being in the Simmons/Stanley project. Criss embraces the softer edges of rock and that's probably why this record has been so maligned over the years. It's not great by any means, but the first side is nowhere near as callous and offensive as the Gene Simmons offering.

5. That's the Kind of Sugar Papa Likes Anyone remember The Hudson Brothers? This sounds like The Hudson Brothers. Or what I remember The Hudson Brothers sounding like.
6. Easy Thing Schmaltz ballad that would have been written and rejected by Olivia Newton John.
7. Rock me Baby Another piano driven, swingin' horn section mid-tempo rocker. Not written by Criss, not very memorable. Not offensive.
8. Kiss the Girl Goodbye Okay. This is crap. Stupid lyrics laid on a bed of disposable "music" in such an unctuous idiom that it screams "please love this as much as you loved Beth". But you can't. Because it's horrible.
9. Hooked on Rock and Roll And we're back to the honky tonk. By now I get the sense that they have run out of material and are desperately trying anything. But, being devoid of inspiration, this is what you end up. I wonder what Paul Stanley would have done with this. No, I don't.
10. I Can't Stop the Rain Wait. HERE is the Bethy ballad. Go for it, Pete. Shoot for the moon. Why not?

In the end, Peter Criss is nowhere near the disaster it has been reported. In fact, while it isn't as inspired as Ace's record, it's not as anonymous like Paul Stanley's Kiss retread. And it's not a thunderingly colossal implosion like Gene's, While I will probably never listen to it again, that doesn't mean it's terrible. Pound for Pound its about as good as Rick Springfield's Wait for Night.

Peter Criss - Peter Criss

Grade C
A Side: I'm Gonna Love You, You Matter To Me
BlindSide: Tossin' and Turnin', Don't You Let Me Down
DownSide: Easy Thing, Kiss the Girl Goodbye

Kissening Post: Kiss - Paul Stanley

Paul Stanley - 1978

The biggest problem with putting out a Paul Stanley solo record in 1978 versus Gene Simmons is that Simmons is not a musician. He's a salesman. Stanley actually comes across as a musician. He would have done it no matter what. He would have ended up in Ratt or LA Guns or some band like Bandit. Gene would have sold designer jeans on the street to make a buck.
So, it's no wonder that there are no surprises on the Paul Stanley record. He's the chief songwriter in Kiss. (You can deny this and tell me that Gene is an equal but I would disagree on that and point to any Stanley song as a better work than Gene's any day) So, nothing on this record doesn't sound like Kiss.
Without Ace Frehley there just aren't that many great lead licks. Other than that, it's not like Kiss had any real musical identity to begin with. And any of these songs could sit on any Kiss record and you would never know the difference.
So, as a Solo record it's piffle. As a Kiss record, though, how is it?
The worst so far. That doesn't mean its as awful as Gene Simmons. Some of it is quite good. "Tonight You Belong to Me" is a fine Kiss-y opener. And "Wouldn't You Like To Know Me" is as good a power pop track as Rick Springfield would put out 3 years later.
The rest is forgettable filler.

Paul Stanley - Paul Stanley

Grade C
ASide: Wouldn't You Like To Know Me, AIn't Quite Right
BlindSide: No surprises on this disc
Down Side: Hold Me Touch Me

Kissening Post: Kiss - Gene Simmons

Gene Simmons - 1978

Oh, you've GOT to be kidding me.
At first you think everything's gonna be okay. It's NOT as bad as you've heard. There's some theatricality to the proceedings but, yeah, Destroyer got you all prepared for that.
And the first track, Radioactive, isn't really all that bad.
And then....
Let's let Gene say it for himself with the lyrics on "See You Tonight":
I'll see you get it tonight
And if I can't I'll cry, and cry
You won't see me without it
And I'll see you tonite, outside.

You'll what, Gene? You'll cry? But, you're the God of Thunder! You're the one whose Larger Than Life! What the fuck is this beta male shit? NO ONE wants a tender, whiny Gene Simmons. NOBODY.
It's a weird disconnect, you know? Because you see this demonic figure on the cover of the album, blood dripping from his lip and you expect songs from the pits of hell. Not a warbling whiner. And that's what you get. It kind of sucks. Well, not kinda.

Have you ever heard Arnold Schwarzeneggar sing while choking on a peach pit? No? Well, listen to Gene's rendition of "When You Wish Upon a Star" (Yes, THAT one) and that's what it sounds like.
It's horrendous.
With all the a-list talent Gene hired you can't help but wonder what the hell went wrong. And then you hear something like Mr. Make Believe or Man of 1000 Faces (A song I don't despise) and you realize that Gene really really loves The Beatles. He could never BE the Beatles because that would require songwriting and singing ability and Gene is PT Barnum in makeup.
I'm not sure the record is as bad as I am making it out to be. It's close but it's not the worst thing ever committed to vinyl. But whatever is good there (and believe me you have to search for it) is mitigated by the sheer audacity of the proceedings. The greed, the gluttony, the crassness that is Gene Simmons.
Forget burning Disco Records on baseball fields, we should round up all of these and blow them up. All but one. The one that you force Gene to listen to while you fuck his wife and make his children eat haggis.
What? Too much?

Gene Simmons - Gene Simmons

Grade F+
A Side: Radioactive
Blindside: Man of 1000 Faces
Downside: When You Wish Upon a Star...and everything else.

Kissening Post: Kiss - Ace Frehley

On September 18th, 1978, all four members of Kiss put out solo albums. I recall exactly where I was when I saw one of them, but I can't recall which. I was at Bobby Hammer's house for a Cub Scouts meeting. We were all in the basement. Just looking at the record I was simultaneously jealous and jaded. I knew, deep inside, that they must suck, but the cool illustrated backlight was like candy. I wanted them. I never got them. (Until I got my hands on Paul and Gene's for $1 each on vinyl 5 years ago.
They are roundly considered one of rock's great excessive boondoggles. But, what would a Kissening Post be without them?
Starting (alphabetically by first name) with Ace's, here we go. God help me.




Ace Frehley - 1978

The only way to do this is liveblog this stuff, right?

1. Rip it Out. Ace is easily outdoing Paul Stanley on this track. This was his terrain and he just shreds.
2. Speedin' Back to My Baby - Forgiving his weak vocals, this is a song that could have been a hit by Sweet. The arrangements and guitar work keep the whole experience alive.
3. Snow Blind. I'm going with....coke reference. A mediocre song elevated by great guitar work.
4. Ozone The kind of big, sluggish, rocker that would never find its way onto a proper Kiss record, it's just great. The use of weird percussion, a 12 string for color, it's exactly what you want to find in the middle of a rock record. The lyrics are terrible, but that can be forgiven for all the rest of the cool.
5. What's On Your Mind? "You're breaking my heart, I'm fallin' apart. I'm wracking my brain, I'm feeling insane." Yeah, that's about the level of lyrical literacy we're talking about on this record. But, with Ace's guitar and Anton Fig's drumming, this is just one more track on a quality 70s rock experiment.
6. New York Groove Most people don't know that this is a cover. Originally recorded by Hello. But, this is where disco meets rock. I mean that in a good way. The chka-chka guitar is so reminiscent of Chic that it's impossible to deny.I don't know which came first but I know I love it.
7. I'm in Need of Love I would love to hear this song in a stadium setting. It's so assured and spacey and big that it could only get better there.
8. Wiped Out Starting off taking a cue from the classic Ventures tune, Wiped Out is actually a drunken fervor shred-tastic gigantic rock machine. (I'm having fun with hyperbole and cliches now, sue me)
9. Fractured Mirror An epic sprawling, hypnotic instrumental with layered guitars, overdubs, effects. You know? It fits nicely into this whole set.

Ace Frehley - Ace Frehley

Grade A
ASide: New York Groove, Rip it Out, Wiped Out
BlindSide: Speedin' Back to My Baby, Ozone, I'm in Need of Love, Fractured Mirror
DownSide: Can you believe it? Nothing.

Kissening Post: Kiss - Alive II

Kiss - Alive II - 1977

I had this record. I got it from the Columbia House Record Club in 1978. I don't know who in their right mind would allow a 13 year to join that ridiculous club but I did and this was one of the records I ordered with my initial "free" package.
I never listened to it.
I think it frightened me. I mean, look at Gene's face. That's blood, right? Scary.
I also only wanted "Beth". I wasn't much interested in rawk. In 1978 I was still listening to The Bay City Rollers. And the soundtrack for Animal House. This was...too much for me.
Now I'm older, wiser, more jaded and, well, I think I'm able to take it.
The first thing you notice from the opening strains of Detroit Rock City is that this is one rushed show. Maybe it's coke. Maybe it's adrenaline. But the groove that was so important to the first Alive record is missing. At least from the start.
The good news is that by the 4th song the band finds its groove and is definitely able to react to the (non-existent) fans. Makin' Love really roars and showcases Ace Frehley so well that I have come to believe that, without him, no amount of merchandising or marketing could have raised Kiss above cult status.
Alive II is mostly a collection of "live" versions of songs from the Rock and Roll Over/Love Gun era. With a 4th side of original material included. The reason for this is that the band didn't want to overlap live versions of songs that were previously included on Alive. And songs like "Shock Me", which were banal in their studio version, are no less banal but have a certain amount of energy and electricity (pun intended) which was missing on the original.
It is kind of fun to hear the crowd go ape shit for "Beth", the song that will forever be tied to the band, although the two geniuses behind the KissMachine, Paul and Gene never liked the song, didn't want it on Destroyer and had to deal with it being tied for Favorite Song People's Choice Award with Disco Duck.
The "Live" part of Alive II is just fine. Not groundbreaking but a fitting capper to a remarkable 4 years.
The studio stuff...
All American Man is...not bad. Actually, if this had been on Love Gun I might have liked that album a bit more and Rockin in the USA is another attempt an anthem. I don't know why the guys can't come up with one, but you'd think they'd be satisfied with the ones they wrote. After all, they're integral to the fabric of stadium rock. And Larger than Life is, god help us, another song extolling the virtues of Gene's phallus. It should be noted that Ace Frehley only appears on one song on these studio tracks. His own. While the guitar work on Larger than Life is flashy, it doesn't have the soul that Ace brought to his work.
Ace's track, Rocket Ride, is a terrific riff-tastic groove machine and worth downloading. It's another penis song but his guitar, the catchy chorus and the lack of Simmons vocals really make it great. Any Way You Want It is a cover of a Dave Clark Five tune. See Love Gun's "And then she Kissed Me" to find out how I feel about this track.

Alive II - Kiss

Grade B+ for the live record
Grade C+ for the EP
ASide: All American Man
BlindSide: Rocket Ride
DownSide: Larger then Life

Kissening Post: Kiss - Love Gun

Kiss - Love Gun - 1977

Hmm....what's a "Love Gun"?

I remember the year 1977 vividly. Summering in ShipBottom, NJ. Seeing Star Wars a dozen times. And reading, in some magazine, the ad for the new Kiss album.
BANG!
Kiss
Love Gun.
Never forgot it.
I also never heard the record.
Let's liveblog.

1. I Stole Your Love - Riff Heavy opener. Not much in the way of content, but I'm used to that by now. All I want from Kiss is a good time.
2. Christine Sixteen- Um, hello, what? Piano? Glammy, cool, big, dig it. Sounds a lot like Alice Cooper to me.
3. Got Love For Sale - Brisk, somewhat forgettable Gene (I'm so good for you) Simmons effort. Although I am hearing some early Van Halen in all this. Frehley is a maniac.
4. Shock Me - Ace was electrocuted at a concert which left him without feeling in his hand for the rest of the show. So, he wrote this. And sang on it! Sadly, it's a not a memorable tune. It's pretty bad, actually. But it is almost saved by a pretty great solo.
5. Tomorrow and Tonight - A big, pub-breaking bluesbuster. Nowhere as near as good as Rock and Roll All Night, which is what they are obviously going for. It's fine but it's not THAT song. I would like to hear this covered by Meat Loaf.
6. Love Gun - In 1977 this would be the Side Two Opener. As an assault, it's terrific. As a polemic on the state of international relations and American Manifest Destiny, it's lacking. Oh, wait. It's about a Love Gun. Or a cock. Yeah, that's fine.
7. Hooligan Kiss by Numbers. Nice solo, uninteresting, somewhat forgettable. Liek the first three records. I wonder if this will show up on the next Live album and blow me away?
8. Almost Human - I think it's safe to say that, when Gene Simmons rights a song for Kiss they all have 3 things in common: 1. He is great, amazing, ginormous, fantastic, demonic, etc. 2. He is the greatest lover in the world. 3. They are immediately forgettable. Like this one.
9. Plaster Caster Or he writes songs about a woman who wraps rock stars cocks in plaster and makes statues of them.
10. The She Kissed Me I dunno. I don't think of Kiss as great musicians or having anything new to add to anything already established. So, this gender bending cover leaves me cold.

Love Gun is "just another Kiss record". No great shakes. Better than some, not as good as others. It's grade will be the lowest, though, because, by now (three years, 6 studio records) I expect either more (read:better, more mature, nuanced) or exhaustion. I got the latter.
Love Gun is fine and in the pantheon of Kiss records, I will probably rate it higher against future endeavors but for now it's middling.

Love Gun - Kiss

Grade: B-
A Side: Chrsitine Sixteen, Love Gun
BlindSide: Tomorrow and Tonight
Downside: Shock Me

Kissening Post: Kiss - Rock and Roll Over

Kiss - Rock and Roll Over - 1976

Rock and Roll Over is the first Kiss album so far that sounds like 70s rock. Smells like the front stoop of a roller rink. It's the first time I've listened to Ace Frehley's guitar and thought, "Shit, that guy can shred!".
It's that good.
Peter Criss is a monster on the drums here. Even the vocals finally fit. It's terrific.
Look. There is a freaking cowbell on Calling Dr. Love. For god's sake, what's more 70s than that?
R&RO is a left turn away from the theatrirock of Destroyer. It's a good time from the time you put the needle down. It's really hard to pin down the best songs since the record spins at just over 30 minutes, never overstays it's welcome and while just about every song is about the same thing: sex, girls, how great the guys are, it's okay because I really want to pull out a bong, put on a tight t-shirt, bang my head and air guitar.
When I read that Hard Luck Woman was written for Rod Stewart I thought, well, duh. It sounds like a Maggie May ripoff. Like it was written for Every Picture Tells a Story but didn't make the cut.
But, the thing is, it actually draws the line between Stewart and....wait for it......Guns N Roses.
There is no doubt in my mind that Izzy Stradlin and Slash listened to this record. It's impossible, after hearing, not to think of Appetite for Destruction as Rock and Roll Over Part 2.
Yeah. You read that right.

Rock And Roll Over - Kiss

Grade A+
A Side: Calling Dr. Love, Mr. Speed, Hard Luck Woman,
BlindSide" I Want You, Baby Driver, Love em & Leave em, Makin' Love (Holy shit, Frehley is incredible)
DownSide: Nothing. Again. This is getting weird. Do i like Kiss?........

Kissening Post: Kiss - Destroyer

Kiss - Destroyer - 1975

After the success of Alive! Kiss went into the studio with Bob Ezrin, formerly Alice Cooper's producer, and what came out was easily the weirdest album of theirs so far. Their "Night at the Opera", for lack of a better description.
Destroyer starts off with the sounds of someone watching the news, turning off the set, fishing out keys, getting into a truck, singing along to "Rock and Roll All Night" which is replaced by "Detroit Rock City" full bore and ends with the truck swerving off the road and crashing.
Weird.
Its followed by the energetic, pile driving, "King of the Night Time World".
Then a little kid asks, "Okay?" and amidst his screaming out pours "God of Thunder".
This is a different Kiss. A muscular Kiss.
Only, then it's not. Because, "Great Expectations" is easily the most melodic and frilly track the band has produced. Way more Spinal Tap ballady than "Rock Bottom". The big chorale, the giant chorus, the bells, this is Kiss on Broadway. Only with Gene Simmons on lead vocals so it's kind of bad, but that makes it even better. Sometimes I think it's my favorite track on the album.
And that's saying something.
Being Kiss there has to be crap like "Sweet Pain", which is really just about Gene's gigantic cock and how much it will drive girls insane. But, it's also so weirdly arranged that I kind of love it.
The biggest hits are here, too. "Shout it Out Loud" sounds like it was created to sound better live and it does. "Beth" is the curio hit, the one the band never wanted to put on the album. Written by Peter Criss years before their manager cajoled Simmons and Stanley to get it on the album. The only member of Kiss who appears on it is Criss. The strings and orchestration ooze schmaltz but it works because this whole record is a kitchen sink affair. The kind of record made by people who have too much money and love The Beatles so goddamn much but are nowhere near the talent that inspired them.
That said, is Beth not the singularly representative rock song of the 70s? If it isn't, then isn't it the template for every hair metal ballad that followed 10 years later?
I think so.
Who knew Kiss was so ahead of their time?

Destroyer - Kiss

Grade A+

ASide: Detroit Rock City, Flaming Youth, Shout it Out Loud, Beth
BlindSide: King of the Night Time World, God of Thunder, Great Expectations
Downside: ----

Kissening Post: Kiss - Alive!

Kiss - Alive - 1975

There are many stories that put forth the arguments that Alive!, the album that truly broke KISS, wasn't all "live". That the band went back in the studio and sweetened tracks, fixed mistakes, added layers.
I say, who the fuck cares? The live album of the 70s was a ground breaker for some great bands. Kiss, Cheap Trick. Others couldn't bring the quality of their shows to the vinyl (I'm looking at you, Queen).
Alive is everything one would have hoped the previous three albums could be. Big, bold, ostentatious, crowd pleasing, dangerous, explosive.
Why don't I care if it's not purely live? Because the biggest problem I have with any live album is that it's ONE concert. Right? Or cherry picked performances. Unlike a studio album where the song choices, the production, everything is worked out. A concert is a raw one time experience. For an example of the one time concert that is maybe a good example of the band but doesn't make you want to rush out and see them live, see The Hold Steady's A Positive Rage.
That's why bootlegs of Bruce Springsteen are so great. He put on singularly exceptional shows EVERY TIME OUT. You HAD to hear them all. Or as many as humanly possible.
But albums are a product and live ones are designed to sell not only the band's catalog but their concerts as well.
Alive does that in spades.
Everything that is missing on the first three studio albums, energy, raw power, excitement, can be found on this record. It made me want to go back and relisten to the predecessors (I did) to see if I had missed something (I hadn't). The band sounds bigger than on those other records. Like they deserve to be seen live.
That's quite an accomplishment.
And makes this record one of the better of the era.

Alive! - Kiss

Grade A
A Side: Stutter, Firehouse, Come on and Love Me, Parasite, Cold Gin, Rock and Roll All Night, Let me Go Rock and Roll

Kissening Post: Kiss - Dressed to Kill

Kiss - Dressed to Kill - 1975

Otherwise known as the album with "Rock and Roll all Night" on it.
What else is there?
Not a helluva lot.
I took a long time between listening to these first three Kiss records and writing about them. Why? Because I just plain forgot that I heard them. After a few passes, everything sounds the same.
I'm not going to wax rhapsodic about the merits of these records because they are all fine. If you wanna hear some early 70s cock (of the walk) rock), you'd do fine with Kiss or Dressed to Kill. Both of these are superior to Hotter than Hell if for any reason they don't sound like they were recorded on a cylinder and finished in an Easy Bake Oven.
What truly redeems this band is not their love of blues based rock, or glam or alcohol and girls and partying, truth is, they never seem committed to any of it. What Kiss is about is selling records. Which is why their marriage with Neal Bogart's Casablanca records made so much sense. They were all mercenary entrepreneurs the likes of which would be recreated a few years later in the film biz by Golan-Globus and then Miramax.
What redeems them is what comes next.

Dressed To Kill - Kiss

Grade A-
A Side: Rock and Roll All Night
BlindSide: Getaway