Reviewed by Paul J Zickler
Released: 1981 Lisa Dal Bello (AKA Dalbello) Drastic Measures Genre: Rock Rating: 3 out of 5 Highlights: Princess Telephone Bad Timing Bob: Coo-oo-oo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-choo, Coo-oo-oo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-choo. Good day and welcome to the Great White North. I’m Bob McKenzie and this is my brother Doug. Doug: How’s it goin’ eh? Bob: It’s goin’ good. Doug: Beauty. Bob: Yah. So. Today’s topic is music, eh? Doug: Oh, music. Beauty. Bob: Right. OK, so, my topic for today is, how come on the Juno awards, they got all these awards for Canadian artists, right? Doug: Well, yah, because it’s the Junos, not the “You knows.” Ha! Get it? Bob: No. Doug: Oh. Well, it kinda made sense. Bob: No, it didn’t, you hoser. Doug: You’re the hoser, hoser. Bob: Take off, eh. Doug: You take off! Bob: OK, so, like, back to my topic, right? Doug: YOUR topic. Whatever, eh. Bob: My topic is, how come they got all these Canadian artists that win all these awards, but, like nobody in the states has ever heard of ‘em? Doug: Cuz people in the states are– Bob: I mean, like, everybody in Canada knows who, like Billy Joel is, right? Doug: Well, yah, I mean– Bob: Or like Pat Benatar, eh? Doug: Oh beauty, Pat Benatar. Bob: Yah I like her. Doug: She is hot! Bob: Yah, she’s hot. Doug: Totally. Bob: Yah, so like, how come the only Canadian artists ANYBODY knows are, like, Rush, and, um… Bryan Adams, and, like, that’s it? Doug: Not ANYBODY, hosehead. Just people in the states, eh? Bob: Right, yah. So, like, how come people only know like, three artists from Canada? Doug: Who’s the other one? Bob: Huh? Doug: The other one. You only named, like, two artists. Bob: I did? Doug: Oh, never mind. I don’t remember. Go. Bob: No, you go. I’m tired of talking. I’m havin’ another beer. Doug: OK, so like, good day, welcome to the Great White North. My topic is, like, how come nobody in the states knows who Lisa Dal Bello is, eh? Bob: Oh, beauty! Yah! How come, eh? Doug: Right? Cuz, she made that one record with Bryan Adams, eh? Bob: Everybody knows– Doug: And, like, she’s won like seven million Juno awards, eh? Bob: Everybody knows who Bryan Adams is, but, like, nobody knows who– Doug: We covered that already, hosehead. Bob: We did? Oh, yah. Doug: Plus, like, she is just as beautiful as, like, Pat Benatar or, or Bob: Or that other girl singer. Doug: Right! That one. She is hot. Bob: Yah, she’s hot. Doug: Totally. Bob: OK, so, good topic. Doug: Yah, beauty topic. I'm havin' another beer. Bob: Yah, so Lisa Dal Bello is a Canadian singer, eh? She made that one album with Bryan Adams. That was pretty good, eh? And she sings, um… She sings… Doug: Songs. Bob: Duh, right, I meant, like which songs? (LISA DAL BELLO ENTERS) Lisa: Hey you hosers! You can’t even remember what songs I sing, eh? Doug: Holy cow, it’s, it’s what’s her name. Bob: Shut up hoser, it’s Lisa. Um. Lisa: Lisa Dal Bello is my name you guys. Doug: Get out! She came on my show, eh? Bob: No way, eh? She totally came on MY show. Lisa: Anyway, I was gonna sing Princess Telephone. You know the song where I mention one of you guys? Doug: Oh yah, totally, I mean, I always knew that was – Bob: Wait, you mention one of US? Lisa: Oh yah totally, hosers. There’s a line in the song about Mr. McKenzie. Doug: Whoa. Beauty! Bob: Oh my gosh, yah. Beauty, eh? That’s just – wait, which one is it? Lisa: Hm? Bob: Which one of us is in the song? Doug: Oh yah, you gotta tell which one it is. Lisa: (grins) I’ll never tell. Doug: I bet it’s me, hoser. Bob: No way, eh, it’s gotta be me. Doug: Totally me. Take off! Bob: You take off! (Bob and Doug begin pelting each other with back bacon and donuts) Lisa: Um, I’m gonna sing my song now guys. Guys? Oh well… 1-2-3-4! (Lisa sings Princess Telephone. It’s pretty good.) Bob: Wow, that was, like, so– Doug: Yah, I mean, that was– Lisa: Thanks guys. Should I do another one? Bob: Oh, yah. I mean, if you wanna. Doug: You heard her, hosehead, she wants to do another one. Bob: I just thought, you know, if she’s got like a plane to catch. Doug: Pfft. Plane to catch. What a hosehead. Bob: Shut up. Lisa: OK, this one’s on the album Drastic Measures too. It’s all about how I shoulda been a much bigger star but my label fired me and wouldn’t let me produce my own music, and basically how the music industry sucks, eh? Does that sound alright? Bob: (to Doug) I think I might be in love. Doug: Ha ha! Whatever, eh. I saw her first. Bob: No way! I totally saw– Lisa: OK, this one is called Bad Timing. 1-2-3-4! (Lisa plays Bad Timing. It’s also pretty good. End of scene.)
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