Reviewed by Robert "I Listened So You Don't Have To" Sliger
Released: 1981 Mass (GR) Swiss Connection Genre: Metal Rating: 1 out of 5 Well, I think I might have picked the wrong album to review. This complete amateur-hour shit show of a record plays like a trailer park pastiche of every lazy, navel-gazing heavy metal cliche ever. It's sloppily played and sung with waaaaay too much sincerity (and way too little pitch). The recording (at least the 2010 remaster I heard on Amazon Music) is boxy, flat, and lacks both bottom and top end. If you ever got into a practice room with your high school mates and banged out a bunch of tunes onto a mis-aligned cassette deck with little practice first, you know exactly what this is. Wait: how the hell did this even get a remaster?! I recommend skipping this garbage dump sludge fest EXCEPT for one song: the hysterically bad closer "Firebird." 10 droning, half-baked minutes of the absolutely most pretentious prog-metal aphorisms about free will, overcoming government control, and being true to your non-capitalist self all held down (held back?) by meandering guitar noodling and thudding drums. I almost spit my drink out during the spoken word section. This is poorly played Spinal Tap without the mockery. Which makes it perfect to mock. (Ed. Note: Firebird is a bonus track on the 2010 re-issue and did not appear on the original 1981 release. From the 2010 liner notes: Firebird "is the second track from the unreleased debut album recorded at Studio 70 in München April 1975". Considering Robert's ridicule of the track, it's no wonder the album went unreleased.)
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